I don’t want to

Honesty I feel like a teenager. There’s nothing particularly wrong. I just don’t want to do anything.

Today the little one was up early- and by little I mean 4.5yrs old. It was okay mostly. Here’s a good lad. We chilled in my bed for a bit. He kept going back to his bedroom to check the light on his clock to see when it was going green and then eventually about 6:00am, we came down to the living room and just chilled on the sofa bed. When T was up, we went for a walk, got a coffee, caught some bugs and came back.

I feel like the only reasons I ever hear anything from A is after I message first. I feel like I need to grow up but, I’m already grown up. I hate having feelings. Any feelings.

Just feels a bit rubbish, because we had that conversation last week, where I said I was struggling and I needed to hear from him more. Even today, I sent him a message that was like, “I miss hearing from you more often”. You know when someone’s like, “tell me what you need and I will do it because I want to” and you do and they just don’t hear it. I don’t want to be needy and a burden but I think that’s what I am, ultimately.