5-21-06

so i’ve been taking these pills for 8 days now, i don’t know if there’s much of a change in my attitude, but the moodswings i’ve been having seem worse when i have them then before this stuff. so maybe i do have a little bipolar… i don’t know. my family was all worried when my sister in law started to take stuff, they paid attention to any changes, sleeping patterns, delt with her in… i don’t know, carefully! but me, nope. It’s like I don’t take anything, like there couldn’t be anything wrong with me Right? well, Atleast i’m trying to take care of myself. i’m still down in the dumps, but i got a laugh or two in the past week. I should be happy about that at least. i feel like…. i don’t know, somethings wrong with me I guess. but no one around me cares. Jim called yesterday because my sister in law asked him to, Not to talk to me. Am I happy about that? nope! I have to walk on eggshells whenever i want to talk about him, forget talking to him. it’s like, i mention his name and everyone is offended. its like everyone has brainwashed the people i care about and they no longer care about me. they dont realize what it means to me to have family and friends. but all i do is loose everyone i care about. Do i call krystal or should i wait for her to call me? and then what about the fact she’s supposed to have called me and she hasn’t. my desktop is broken, i’ll fix it eventually, but I’m too lazy right now to do anything. Like I can help that one RIGHT! i have to wonder, is there school tomorrow? I kind of don’t want to go. you must understand. I go out and i feel like I must have a disease or some type of huge growth on my face. or maybe i’m covered in burn scars all over half my body and people don’t want to offend me.

yeah…. I’m all alone… again….