$100/kid

She says her kids aren’t spoiled. She doesn’t ever see them and gives them $100. everytime its a holiday or their birthday. She doesn’t do that for every kid. She makes you feel bad that you don’t have money. She doesn’t work for it. It’s given to her. one of her boyfriends, Every time she feels like asking for it, he gives her more. Maybe her children aren’t spoiled but she sure is.

Another says her kids aren’t spoiled. They yell at her, she buys them everything. The youngest gets to pick his choice of breakfast restraunt three or more times a day. He is going to get a go cart for his 5th birthday. They give the kids anything they say they want. Brand name clothes? Toys? money? they don’t care. they get it. When they’re told no another fit. Why do I hang out with her? I can’t do that with my children. I wonder who’s going to be messed up when they grow up? Who is never going to get over the I want stage? Who is going to beat on their wives? Who doesn’t know how to respect anything they have? I wonder, everyday. How are those children going to grow up into something better?

Easter is comming up in a week, Ok 9 days. The two women i mentioned have no problems with the whole thing. I on the other hand don’t think my kids are going to see anything from the Easter bunny. Nothing like what their kids will see. I have to avoid seeing my bestfriend because her kids will make my kids feel like they weren’t good enough to get stuff like them. I wish I was working. I miss it. I hope I can give them a birthday party. I hope so much I’ll be working by then. Maybe I can invite people to play. Maybe? Just maybe. I know it won’t be easy keeping things undercontrol. But I think I will be happy if I have just One good Party for those chillies. I hope… just hope…

Its a month from now but I won’t make a big deal out of it. Just keep hoping It’ll be worth the pains and suffering one day. I want to go to school again. I want to graduate and be happy. I want to spend money like it’s nothing and I want to see my children have whatever I think they need. They need one day they can say is theirs. Not one they have to share like everyother day. Christmas, Easter, And Their Birthday. All days they have to share. One day I want them to have their own birthdays. They are in fact 23 months apart.

Shouldn’t they have a seperate party too? If I’m lucky it’ll be soon enough. Soon enough I will see my children playing with toys that haven’t been given to us or aren’t old. Soon enough I’ll see my daughter in clothes she can fit. and my son in clothes that aren’t old hand me downs. I know I have talent and a future, But what one will make me happier? What road should I go down just so I can make my life happy enough to go on to the next part of life? Why me? what is wrong with ME?