Meltdown

Last night I had the drunkest meltdown in my entire life. Luckily one of my friends answered the phone and I vented to him. I felt crushed, devastated, enraged and even lonely. That was crazy. I’ve never vocalizes that feeling of loneliness. I know I have friends but it’s not the same. When I look at other’s with their partners it makes me wonder what am I doing wrong. Why am I still single. Why can’t I find the right person for my life. I felt worthless. I yelled, I screamed, I cried, I held my chest so hard cuz I felt like my heart was coming out. I had never, ever had that sensation.

I know I bottled-up all these feelings and emotions (plus watching sappy romantic series has not helped 😂) sigh. I know I am blessed and highly favored but then the moment comes at night we’re your bed is empty, you no longer have roommates, the house feels less and less like home. That’s why I live going to other places, hotels, to get me out of that empty shell called home. Don’t get me wrong, every time I come back from a trip and am extremely happy to be here. It’s just some days, weeks, moments where the silence makes it feel dark and sad.

This too shall pass. I will be fine. I know I will.