Whoop Ass

I was pretty pissed when I wrote that last entry! huh!

Well, I had just left a therepy session and was suposed to be studying in the library for the 1 hour I had before class. But i couldnt concentrate, because I was all worked up over things the therepist had said, so I worked myself into quite a tizzy over thinking everything. But it felt good to get that all off my chest, though I think some of it MAY be exaggerated. I dont know. Maybe, maybe not.

Well yes, its exaggerated. I dont HATE Paul and there is still love between us. When i think about those issues though, I feel like I hate him. But when I see his face and I’m around him, I feel love for him. Even when we’re fighting, somehow.

Its been more civil between us lately but thats only because so many good things have happened, and we’ve had a lot of positives to celebrate, so to speak.

First, I got a little job offer, which isnt a big deal, but its special because he only wants me to work Friday’s which is the ONLY day I can work! Other places have offered me part time jobs but they want me to work weekends, when there is no daycare available. So weekends are impossible. But Fridays I dont have class and Lucy can still go to daycare if I want to send her. I should be able to make enough money in that one day to pay for her whole week of daycare, so thats totally worth it.

Paul is happy about this because his good friend is the manager of the store….and they specialize in fly fishing stuff. So Paul is all excited and his friend is happy to have help, even one day a week. I’m happy because they sell a huge line of women’s patagonia clothing and accessories and he wants me there for the retail end of that. Fine by me! The money takes a weight off of Paul and I too.

Then I go take my HESI test in fort myers. I was stressed about it, but in the back of my mind I told myself I can take it again in December, then again in Jan too if I really have to.

But guess what!?

I got a fucking 96 on the HESI on my first try!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Words cant express how happy I am about this. I mean, this was really the boost I needed. Not only that, but when the lady proctering the exam printed off my score in her office, she squeeled!! She couldnt believe it! She actually picked up the phone and called the director from my campus and told her about me, my HESI score, and my perfect GPA! I mentioned I was nervous about getting into the program this Feb, because I am 2 classes shy out of the 10 (though I will be enrolled in them at the time I apply, but wont have a score for them to contribute points). After she saw my HESI and i told her my other grades (A’s) she said there was nothing to worry about, and she was sure I would get in. Looks like I can plan on starting the real nursing program in May! I mean, its not for sure yet, but she said not many people will be applying with much better than that!

So I am just fucking elated. I was really doubting this, it sort of felt like a fantasy of i was just in denial about the reality of getting in this year. They only have 24 seats and pretty much everyone i study with or take class with is applying (or so it seems). Fingers crossed, but this will really help everything in my life. One less thing to stress about.

But of course, when I do get in, and start the program, I will have MORE to stress about! Maybe. The pressure of getting in will be gone but I dont know what kind of hours and schedule I will have. I cant have conflicts with daycare, and the 45 min to 1 hour drive time makes it really hard to schedule classes. Paul has been helpful with that, though he still grumbles about it and I feel like im burdening him when I ask him to committ to any certain days or times when it comes to being responsible for Lucy on a regular, planned weekly basis. He agreed to Tues/Thurs pick ups but we arent even sure how we are going to swing that with his work schedule. But hey- agreeing to it is a step in the right direction.

I celebrated by going straight to the salon and getting highlights for the first time ever. She put some low lights in too which I really didnt want and dont like, but the whole thing is so subtle that you cant really tell I did anything. Paul and brandi both didnt notice. My hair color just looks so much better, and prettier, but not drastically different.

My mom just called to talk about my test results. Gotta go!