Watermelon

Maybe I’ll see the Summer this time, embrace it, sweat out the tears that won’t come out for me, for anyone. I remembered today, the look of him laying there, still and peaceful, such a cliche. Michael said ‘People exist in the memories of those they knew.’ which is true, because you can exist in multiple minds, but only one plane of existence, but it doesn’t seem important I guess.

I scratched the car this week, the back bumper, whenever I had to face up to something I didn’t want to, because it wouldn’t make me happy, I’d think to myself, ‘Which would I prefer, that I have this problem, or that Terence was dead?’ That way, I was never scared of any problems, because I could see how insignificant the problem is, how simple and workable it is. I had the same thought as always, except now, Terence is dead, and I don’t know, what to do with it anymore, I’d still prefer the problem to the death, but that no longer counts.

Cricket and Formula 1 were both sports I learned to like because of Terence, I learned to appreciate them, see them for what they offered, because they tend to be the most obtuse of all sports, as all the comedians say a game that takes 3 days to play and can still end in a draw seems like madness, and cars going around a track for an hour and a half. However, there’s something to them that attracts me, more than say NRL which is much more exciting, people scoring points every 10 minutes or so.

Maybe this Summer, I’ll see a cumulonimbus and it’ll be a part of my story this time, not one I’ve watched from afar. Brent returns this week, I’m confident because he’s concerned about me, which he wouldn’t say of course, and nor would I. I dislike the idea of entitlement, whichever way it goes, and he never does anything like that out of entitlement, which I admire, because people do so often, and confuse their selfishness with charity and concern.

I’ve been left disappointed by a lot of people this last couple of years, to the point that I don’t feel like making an effort, because they can’t see past themselves, their stake in the situation, and I think they misunderstand what sort of responsibility I have to them, and they have to me. People talk about being open minded, but what they mean is, they don’t discriminate based on race, sex, culture, etc. Which is a terrible definition of the term, because those things, whilst important, are still only 3 things, any simple minded person can understand that they shouldn’t discriminate based on another person’s colour, there’s no prize for that bit of common simple sense, however even amongst intelligent, sophisticated people there is frequently disdain for personal preference, typically of course when it doesn’t fit their own.