mamed, lame, and crippled

You know after all this time her voice still feels like she is kissing my ear…it haunts me in my nights. There comes a point where I’m not single anymore…I am just alone. No cloud of peaceable tresses and locks to rest your head in. soaking every inch of heat until you’re drenched in their warmth and scent. Life as we know it…life as I knew it to be. I know it’s hard to make the good things last and to try to hold on to those moment only push away your former loves. But somehow saying “hey…I love you…and I care about you…” as even though it may turn them away further from you seems worth it.  

I feel as if I know now that I myself am too selfish to say I am in love…to ever really say “I love you…” would be a lie…because it would state that I have the capacity for an unconditional and selflessness that I do not posses. To say I still have hope for love would be saying I still have hope to fool one more person to give what I could not give myself. If that makes me a jerk or a monster…then that’s what I am. Yet I breathe…for what reason god has yet to tell me. At this point I don’t care if I ever will know. Sleep is my new awake…it becomes me.

For those who have lost me…think of what was gained without me. Was it worth it?