This is me and my ever changing life.
Nothing is in order - things will be divided in chapters so that I can better organize myself. Sometimes I write about the last four years, sometimes I write about right now, and sometimes I write about the super human strength of my three year old. Sometimes it will be raw and sometimes it will be pointless.

Latest Entry

breathe

July 3, 2018
A vent is not like on TV. On TV, there's a million cords, which is true, but there's a lot of sound, beeps and air and oxygen. The person is often times sitting up. They look peaceful with their eyes closed, even with a tube in their mouth it doesn't look unnatural. The air going…
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Recent Entries

  • .
    July 3, 2018
    I am not a cryptic person, but there are some lyrics of a song that recently has really spoken to me... As the child of an addict who is walking the line between living and dying. ---- You always say I need to get as far away as I can While I've got time to…
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  • we’ll never be friends
    June 26, 2018
    Some days, diabetes and I are indifferent roommates. We have our routine: Wake up, check sugar, enter into Dex, eat breakfast, dose for breakfast, watch dex all day while the small one is at school, call the school if necessary to administer doses, do afternoon stuff while constantly watching dex...
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  • loyalty
    June 21, 2018
    I am loyal. This is not a good personality trait, but a personality flaw. My loyalty kept me with my first boyfriend that I had in highschool. We were together from Freshmen year through some of my Junior year, even after he'd moved away to the great state of Colorado. We visited occasionally dur...
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  • it’s never fair for anybody
    June 13, 2018
    He's depressed and it annoys me. A few years ago he was put on Welbutrin for seasonal depression and after a month he stopped taking it because he started to feel better. He practically had a nervous breakdown before we moved to AZ, something I diligently supported him through because I understan...
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  • september 2014
    May 23, 2018
    September 2014: I was heavily pregnant with my due date being just weeks away. My best friend had come in for Memphis, waiting for the boy to be born so that she could be my doula. I had stopped working by this point because I honestly couldn't stand for more than fifteen minutes at a…
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  • wearing your pancreas on the outside
    May 2, 2018
    Sickness is scary. When the big kids are sick, it's scary. Recently, C said he was having excruciating stomach pains and I was constantly going back and forth about what I should do about it. Should I take him to the hospital? He wasn't having any symptoms except for his stomach hurting and the m...
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  • Night
    April 25, 2018
    The most difficult time is at night. We can have a really good day, like we did yesterday. There was a hug in the morning that lasted a little longer than a normal hug, like we were both holding on to something that we both missed. There were texts throughout the day, so many so…
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  • This is the face
    April 24, 2018
    October 1, 2014. I was sitting in the passenger seat of the first car I ever bought (well, with someone) as we drove the 1.5 hours to a birthing center. In the backseat was my ten year old and my eight year old, quietly playing with their handheld game devices piled under pillows and blankets&hel...
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  • Welcome back, indeed
    April 24, 2018
    This is a little amazing, the revival of OD. Though I'm a few weeks late, apparently. When OD first shut down I was devastated because I'd chronicled my life here, the very beginning of a relationship and the end of a nightmare. And then, when I was trying to back up the data so I…
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