Recent Entries

• dreams unwind

  May 20, 2018

  love's a state of mind. I have officially reread fourteen years of writing. I was so surprised when I heard that Open Diary had returned with the ability to restore it all. I had accepted the loss of all this writing long ago. I must admit that it was a bit of a trip to…

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• darkness surrounded by light.

  January 4, 2014

  i have been fighting a consuming darkness every day. i keep reaching outside of myself to find comfort on the inside. usually the things i do are destructive. i have gained back thirty of the forty pounds i lost. it makes me cry to think that i have lost all self control and continue to…

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• 10/23/2013

  October 22, 2013

  i have been struggling big time. over the course of the last week, i have had panic attacks, overwhelming episodes of wanting to use drugs (and trying to obtain them), total tantrums and treating people unspiritually. i just haven't been myself. then again, i just reviewed some diary entries begi...

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• racing the sun, dying.

  October 18, 2013

  i am not doing well. i am overwhelmed to the point of panic attacks today. i wanted to use drugs so bad that i tried to obtain them, and then i resorted to food, which didn't provide any comfort whatsoever and just made me feel more stuck in a rut. i have lost forty pounds,…

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• swimming against the tide.

  September 22, 2013

  so i have not written in a long time. i am only writing now because i came here to reference a time in my life and realized how long it had been. i have been blogging every so often in a weight loss blog, but i talk about everything directed to physical health, like food…

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• trampled by white horses.

  June 6, 2013

  prejudice breaks my heart and frustrates me beyond reason. yesterday, i went to six flags with the senior class as part of their week of senior trip activities. unfortunately, every time that i have gone on field trips with my inner city students, i have experienced some type of racism by people ...

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• eufhgvsjefkm

  May 8, 2013

  one of my students just said i looked like a demented penguin when i was dancing. then some eighth graders started whispering while i was hula hooping in the gym during leadership. it brings me back to when i was bullied in middle and high school, and i felt self loathing afterwards. why do i&hel...

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• 05/09/2013

  May 8, 2013

  as i approach the end of my first year of teaching with 33 school days left, i am becoming reflective about my practice. a lot of this year has involved me trying to toughen up my sensitivity about what the kids said about me. i think it is time to look at what i did…

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• paint me a day without dismay.

  May 2, 2013

  i am frustrated. i have crazy allergies today and my students drove me absolute nuts today. they are totally disrespectful when i try to redirect them, which leads to me being petty and whiney. i wish i exhibited a bit more authority in those situations. whenever i such at managing a class of ten...

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