Recent Entries

• On death.

  November 15, 2018

  There is no greater sadness than to bury a child. Period. There just isn't. There is no grief more palpable, no grief in which the constant mantra is "What if...", or grief that looks forward the way the death of a child does.  A child's death is unlike any other grief process. I know many…

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• On health.

  September 10, 2018

  My health has been pure shit. I am old enough that this should worry me.  If I were younger, I'd tell myself that more booze or pills would probably solve it - oh, and go get some more sleep.  But I'm older.  And health concerns should be, well, concerning. I have a pre-existing skin condition&he...

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• On change.

  August 26, 2018

  There are so many choices that one makes in life.  But there are only a handful of choices that fundamentally change the trajectory of one's life. Getting married is one of those choices.  You choose whom to marry and in that choice, you change the way your life will be written.  If you have chil...

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• On silence.

  August 13, 2018

  I took my own break to recharge and reaffirm my own values and priorities. In the meantime, much has happened. So much has happened that it makes me weary to type it all out. Toxic people still exist but I am heartened by those who refuse to allow that toxicity to overwhelm them and disconnect.&h...

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• On freeing.

  June 19, 2018

  A few friends on social media recently remarked to me that they disconnected from a really toxic person; the same person that I was dismissed by for not shoving enough tubes up my premature baby boys' noses. All of them have now remarked how ultimately at peace they are with this. Sometimes, this...

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• On Tony.

  June 10, 2018

  There are people who are trash and sometimes that will never change. For someone who is at times forced to believe that change is possible, I must also accept that some things will not change. How does one live with a truth that will not change? How does one arrive at the decision that something&...

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• On money management.

  June 7, 2018

  Insofar as others, I am claiming this space as my own and am not responding further to garbage bullshit from evil, unstable people who are cruel, judgmental, and frankly sick. There. There's my disclaimer. Moving on. I am married, and I am married to a man who cannot manage money. This has been a...

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• On delving.

  June 1, 2018

  I may not be pursing a PhD (right now. Or never.  Or I don't know.) but I am a researcher. I learned in graduate school how to evaluate research, consider sources, understand where research may be flawed. There is no perfect research, but one of the things I truly enjoyed to do was understand why...

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• On my babies dying.

  May 31, 2018

  I left a private note on a diary here of someone I used to read; someone I used to know, but someone who is a literal stranger.  Some say "something must have happened" but I'm not so sure.  Does it really matter?  Does some break with reality mean that the person isn't responsible for what…

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