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sometimes when I don’t write.

February 22, 2018
...it's because I have nothing to say. How many times can I say that my husband's lack of employment (and this new "fake job") is an utter disaster? How many times can I say how overwhelmed and sick I feel? How many times can I say how I don't know which end is up anymore?…
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Recent Entries

  • Shitty title.
    February 18, 2018
    I was NEVER good at making titles. My husband finished his first week as his "job".  No more working from home.  It's 8-5, Monday through Friday, with few holidays. He's sick with a cold and making everyone's life pretty miserable. Nothing is settled.  Nothing.  Nothing has been settled for the p...
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  • On how it is unbearable.
    February 13, 2018
    This is such a dark time. Unemployment is sickening; awful; unmanageable.  Without sufficient financial resources....I can hardly breathe. My aunt died last year and left a full prescription of Lorazapam. Thank you, Auntie. There is just no end in sight.  Husband found a job.  That should be caus...
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  • On selfishness.
    February 10, 2018
    I have friends who are going through some horrible struggles.  I care deeply; I worry about their lives and what will happen. The problem is, I am so self-absorbed right now, I don't have the energy I wish I did to devote to what they are going through. That's why I'm so grateful to have…
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  • On a missing ACL.
    February 7, 2018
    Anterior cruciate ligament. I think that's right. It's what I don't have.  I simply don't have one. I have scar tissue where my ACL once was.  I had a normal knee, and then I did not. September 30, 2017 was a fateful day. It is the reason I no longer have a sibling.  I had…
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  • On my father’s death.
    February 7, 2018
    The official story of my father's death is that he died of prostate cancer on October 26, 2015.  He lived for over 15 years with prostate cancer.  He was 68 years old. That is the official story. The non-official story is one I have not shared and haunts me. It's a story I hate. Prostate…
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  • On going insane.
    February 2, 2018
    Just end this nightmare. PLEEEEASE just end it. Every single fucking solitary day, the list of job opportunities changes.  I can't keep track and I can't possibly know what is right or not. Yesterday, my husband declined a job offer.  I kind of agreed with the move, because it was the career kill...
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  • On being so beyond done.
    February 1, 2018
    The job search for my husband is going to put me in an early grave. It's odd that it would be this and not something else.  But it will be this. He's been out of work for going on month three.  He's had interviews; for positions that were similar to his, at a lower level…
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  • On the election.
    January 31, 2018
    Is anyone else laughing their ass off at the drama of those who are "staying" at OD and those who aren't?  Doesn't it just remind you of the old days? Anyone who knows me on social media knows who I voted for in the election; or rather, who I did NOT vote for. The election…
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  • On returning.
    January 30, 2018
    I had one of "those" moments yesterday.  That moment when you stumble on a diary and you think:  Wait a minute.  I think this person and I had "words" at one point.  Didn't we block each other before? One thing that hasn't returned is blocked diaries, so I have no idea who I may have…
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