Hot take: I wish gas were $10 a gallon and I’m proud of it!

I love to lob a rhetorical grenade and then just run off. I don’t actually wish gas were $10 a gallon. I wish it were not subsidized by the government. It would probably be more like $7 to $12 dollars in that case. Easy for me to say. I drive an electric car powered by solar panels on my roof — and I typically travel less than 5000 miles per year with the electricity being equal to $1 a gallon gas. Anyone remember 1985? But look at me, horrible coastal elite that I am – salting the wounds of ICE drivers.

I also don’t want the economy to crater. So there’s that, too. I’ve got a lot of fancy utopian ideals but I never said anything about them being practical!

”and I’m proud of it” is a thing I like to add to outrageous statements for extra effect. “I ate a whole thing of Oreos and I’m proud of it!” Or “I want witchcraft taught in the public schools and I’m proud of it!” It’s a thing that came from John Waters reflecting on the true crime novel “The Basement.” Care for a deeply disturbing read? Go into the Basement!

You know what’s super fun? Scheduling covid tests for on campus visits. It’s one of the strange perks of my job promotion to “Senior Screenwriting Faculty.” Yes, somehow my job is now that of an assistant? Wait, what? Also super fun is an impossible to follow set of instructions hastily written by a vice dean who clearly did not major in communications. Like, when you’re making a list of 20 or so steps to getting on campus, maybe don’t just use initials when referring to contacts — maybe a full name? Maybe their email address too – just you know — for those of us who aren’t mind readers.

I had a big email fight with said vice dean yesterday because she was on a power trip about making sure we were not able to do year end reviews on campus because I had the audacity to follow her instructions perfectly — and she assumed that I hadn’t without checking my paperwork. She accused me like six times, in increasingly CC’d emails of not doing what I’d done. I finally send back a series of screenshots with arrows and circles proving I’d made it all the way through the hedge maze at the Overlook Hotel and she was PISSED! Oh vice dean — I’ve dealt with your type before — I once had a studio head FURIOUS at me because the film I wrote scored well in a test screening. FURIOUS! now he wouldn’t be able to dump the movie straight to cable like he wanted. Why did he want the film to fail? I’m not sure — and I’ll never know because he died of a heroin overdose a few years later. True story!

I put the freude in Schadenfreude.

Dean’s in Massachusetts for like 12 more days. I wonder if I can lose 40 pounds before he gets home. I’d finally be at my goal of 3% body fat and probably have to check into the hospital for dehydration but at least then I’d be thin enough to be loveable. I’m joking! Sort of. I’m one of those body dysmorphics without the commitment for a real eating disorder. I just feel weird and gross all the time but pretty much eat whatever and then exercise a lot – which doesn’t help lose weight — which I’d like to lose, maybe 20 pounds? 10 is doable but only if I’m strict. My clothes still fit but it’s this old man fat that’s happening right now that’s freaking me out. Maybe it’s something to do with being on the wrong side of 50 and turning 52 in 9 days. Oh well I’m gonna go eat some cookies then go to bed.