Pregnant FTM

Hi folks,

Some of you may have already heard about this story, or seen pictures, or seen the guy on Oprah.
His name is Thomas Beattie.

The Oprah Interview

One of my regulars asked my opinion, which I’m not bothered about, so here goes.

I have no problem with it.  First off, I’m not the one pregnant. I have nothing to do with the story, and it has no negative impact on me.

He seems a well adjusted person, and so I’m very happy for him, and I hope he and his spouse get thru this without excessive interference from outside and hopefully no negative impacts on their family life because of the publicity.

I do hope that the story helps break folks out of the "normal" concepts of man or woman and nothing in between.  We seem to grow up with these concepts set in our heads.  Trans folk battle against these ideas, first privately in our own heads, then often more publicly in one way or another.  Transitioning is one way.  Public activism, lobbying, that’s another. 

Beattie’s story is, I must admit, new to me.  There’s nothing scientifically challenging or new about it, I’m sure that an awful lot of FTMs could have made this choice long before this.  Granted, they probably would have run into a lot more negative reactions than Beattie is. 

I corresponded with several FTMs that I know – some thru OD, some not, about this case, just to see how they feel.  Reactions were varied, some were grossed out (the youngest FTM that I’m friends with), others just couldn’t see going there, another FTM that I know transitioned after raising 4 sons, so his reaction was more like "so? hm."

** edit **
One of my other best friends on OD also pointed out, quite rightly, how horrible the doctors treated this person, or should we say, refused to treat this person.  He couldn’t find an OB/GYN that was willing to treat him.  I imagine that they were too embarrassed to have a pregnant man sitting in their waiting room and having to explain it to staff and worse, the other patients.  That’s where the gender discrimination comes to the hard part – when it ends up threatening your health, because you can’t get services.
** end edit **

So, how do I feel about it?  Go for it, Tom.  I hope you get to raise your kid in peace and love (and maybe some prosperity from Oprah and the other media types).  I hope this helps everyone else stop being so hung up on gender.

Go read Helen Boyd’s "She’s Not The Man I Married".  Excellent book. 

If you’re a woman, were you a tomboy when you were young? When did you stop being a tomboy?  Or rather, when did you get convinced that it wasn’t appropriate for you to be a tomboy?  If you remember those times now, do you remember them with regret that you’re not "allowed" to have that fun anymore?

If you’re a guy, would you have rather been cooking or sewing clothes or doing artwork that you ended up putting aside because you got teased about it?  Did a little something in you die when you gave it up?

Congratulations, and welcome to the Transgender family.  Just because you don’t want to live as the opposite gender or dress that way doesn’t mean that you don’t qualify.  

I don’t believe there is such a thing as a "all man" or "all woman".  I think all of us are mixes.  Some of us have to repress one side of ourselves to avoid this meaningless and mean teasing that we get as kids, or outright dangerous harrassment and physical violence we see as teenagers and adults. 

It’s that need to repress the other side of ourselves that is, I think, at the root of what the transgender movement is all about.  We shouldn’t have to do it. We end up being lesser people because we have to do it — less than we could be, not as whole.  When we are whole, when we are ourselves, we are better people, and can do more about making the world a better place.

My own story:  for decades, I repressed this as much as I could. I had a job as an engineer, kind of dead-end, in a way, and it wasn’t that fulfilling.  It was only after I really came to terms with this stuff, realized that I didn’t have to stay in that job, and now Sweety and I have these plans to open up our own center in a few years and really really help people.  Help people get better, or design new information systems?  Does the world really need more information systems? I don’t think so. Does the world need more healthy people? Do more people deserve to be healthier?  I most definitely think so. 

So, I think my own journey is helping me be a better person, helping me find a better way thru this world, a way that more involves service to others. 

If allowing other folks to examine whatever transgender feelings they might have, no matter how slight, in a safe and helpful way, if this movement helps them to become better people (regardless of whether they’re CD or TG or TS or xyz), then this is good. 

Wow.  I just stopped and realized what an inspiration that question was.  Thanks, you know who you are.  Did that answer help?  😉

take care, everyone,
Love and peace
Jude