But is said line drawn with a permanent marker?! How easily is that line erased?
So earlier while I was at work I sent Shelley a message. This message was a combination of several factors including how I dropped hanging out with friend to rush home cause Shelley needed me. I had a ride home lined up for later in the night, but I had been hanging out with my friend for only 30 minutes and my ride wasn’t available yet so I hoofed it back home. 2.2 miles. Got home, no Shelley. Nowhere. Waited and waited for her. Sent message after message and then resolved to be done with her and I had ever intention to sticking with it. I blocked her on messenger and left her blocked. I d blocked her before and it never lasted for than an hour. A week goes by and I’m sitting on my porch waiting for Shelley to walk by. It’s a small town and she is very predictable. After about 45 minutes she walks past and I could loudly to let her know I’m there and she stops and asks me if she can come to me. I pretend not to hear her. Didn’t want to seem to eager, but the truth is I wanted to grab her and kiss her and hold her. I think I did a good job of remaining stoic. We go inside and talk a little, I bring up the subject of sex once again as she is leaving and she responds in my favor. She said this entire week will be good for us to have sex. What’s really happening is Shelley doesn’t want to leave while in an argument. Shelley thinks that if she doesn’t say she is wanting to have sex with me that I’m gonna get mad and start a fight. I explain later that the truth is all I ever want to hear and that a lie in this situation can be very damaging. By telling me she wants to have sex, an answer that allows with what I want so very badly I will keep bring it up, reminding her of her yes decision cause that’s what she said you me. I wouldn’t give up on the dream of being intimate with her again, but if she had said no, that having sex with me right now isn’t something she’s sa noting or willing to do I’ll know not to pursue the issue and potentially make myself seem like I’m a sex crazed lunatic…..
Anyway, today’s note simply said that if she continues to ignore me and I have a feeling it’ll never change so I told her to come by today/tonight to talk to me about a few things or I’m done. That if she did come I’d want nothing more to do with her. She ssntr a response that said she’d call me around 5:30. Just before 6 I sent her a message and she responded right away. She apologized for the delay and said she was been in the. Bath and would call as soon as she got dressed… Haven’t heard from her since.
I told her that if she didn’t come by before 10pm that, like I said before I wouldn’t want anything to do with her. She didn’t show up so now I need to stand up for myself . Show her that she doesn’t have any control over me. I hope you don’t see me stick with it and kick her out of my life for good. Or at least until she is able to see how she is, how she’s been and how I am.. I want her to make an effort to be on my life especially since I’ve proven to her that I want her in my life. I just need to find a FWB to help keep me occupied and not thinking of Shelley. I will get over her eventually.