closure and normal

 

The funeral was… better than I expected.

A lot of family I haven’t seen in decades. It was almost like a reunion.

I think, since so much time had passed, a majority of the weepy grieving had already taken place… instead it was the way my family likes to do it, a party.

There were tears and moments of shock, but… lots of laughter. My dad actually read a passage from the Bible. My grandmother (who has alzheimers) heckled him… and everyone else who got up to speak. It was funny. They played a song and my aunt Kathy (who was closest to my deceased aunt Denise) got up to dance… and others joined her. My aunts best friend almost did a stand up comedy routine when she was reading some "words" about my aunt. Her kids got up (they are SO BIG!!!) and said something. That part was hardest of all. To lose your mother right as your turning into an adult? When you probably  need her most (as a girl, she has a son too, but her daughter is 17 and my heart just broke for her)… ouch. And her oldest son wasn’t there at all. It made me sad. He should have been there. *sigh* And then my dads cousin Darryl got up and did a weird confusing sermon thing before we broke for food (which was decent) and then Baboo and I slipped out quietly.

I didn’t want to say goodbye to anyone. It just felt weird. I don’t know when I’ll ever see any of them again. I’m damaged.

ANYWAY!!!!

I don’t remember the other funerals I’ve gone to being like that. but I’ve only gone to one for my grandfather, who was a tirant and everyone argued all day, and for my great grandmother who was ancient and old and it was somber and strange. And I was really young too, so my memories are fuzzy at best.

Anyway, after it was all said and done, I felt a lot of closure. It sucks to feel so disconnected to SO MUCH family. I mean, at least 100 people there, and it wasn’t even half of the family I have. And I hadn’t seen ANY OF THEM in at least 5 years or so. How utterly tragic…

Anyway, my older brother wasn’t there and I wish he had been.

Blah.

So now it’s Monday and I have to start calibrating and getting myself back to normal.

I don’t want to feel that lingering sadness in the back of my head.

It’s dissipating, so that’s good.

I drank almost 2 bottles of champagne saturday night and completely blacked out.

Baboo said I fell into the bathtub and peed myself "a little"…

I woke up without any underwear on and I was confused.

lol.

stupid alcohol.

No more of that!!!!

I have lots of work to do, so I’m gonna get on that.

HOWEVER…

I’ll be posting zombie deliciousness and working on vampire seduction… I hope that will get me back to feeling more like me.

and probably multiple pointless entries today.

ya know ya missed me.

I missed you!!!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  Would you like to be on my fiction mailing list? Leave me a note or email me for details

 

   Take a sneak peek at my website in progress! http://www.chaosindreams.com

 

  Last Words (A zombie apocalypse survival diary, for your reading pleasure and future knowledge when they take over the world. Yes, I am the author.)