So you wanna step into my shizzle nizzle?

Well, Lets see heah.

hi.

I have to be stella and get my groove back. I don’t even know how to start an entry anymore. please, oh wise ones of diaryness, blesseth me with thou holy art once more.

Or whatever.

So, like i said, living with mom. I’m a spoiled brat cuz my dad was like “I’m not getting the boys any toys for christmas while you’re there cuz I don’t want you to fill up her house with stuff”

and i’m like SO, GIVE THEM THIIIIIINGS! I WANT THEM SPOILED TO THEIR CORES!

Do you know it took TWO carloads filling my trunk and car to the brim to just TRANSPORT all of their toys? That’s sick. I’m so sick. and i had gotten rid of THREE giant trashbags of toys, plus a few large items and a boxful of toys that were too infant oriented for them.

I have a toy disease.

yes. I do.

So, that means I’m spoiled and I’m just passing on the legacy to my chillens.

oh well. I’m thinking that if he just gets them a few small things and nice GIFT CERTIFICATE, then when I get my own place I can fill up the house with things that will get on my nerves but make me ever so spoilyjoyful once more.

I’M A BRAT. no arguments there.

So anyway… what else.

My “husband” is a jackassstupidfuck. I had my ring off all day yesterday. It was an experiment to see if it bothered me. Sad to say, it did. A lot. And not just because I kept reaching for it, but because… I just can’t bring myself to feel like i’m not “married” to him. Despite the signs that point quite blatantly to the fact that it’s not going to last very long. But it will be 8 months soon. Who’d have thunk it?

Anyway, the last camel breaking straw was the fact that he suddenly thought he was the authority on what happened between Winston and I. I must have ran him off with my overly selfish attitude and the fact that i’m a horrifying bitch. Now unless you think I”ve falsified and doctored up the chats I’ve posted, then… that’s not really the case. It’s just a sick twisted evil that we still have this insane connection with each other. I haven’t heard from him since January though. I’m not sure that I ever will again. I need to download AIM…

oh… yeah. I got a new computer. but I caution you all DON’T GET A GODDAMN HEWLETT PACKARD. this evil piece of shit. the first one I got went bad in 4 freakin days. yeah. the BIOS went bad and they had to give me a new one. The graphics card is worth krap. I hope I can upgrade it later. it is pretty fast and has 200 gig’s of memory, so that’s cool. i have a nice 17 inch monitor, but it has that evil blue spot of doom that i can’t get rid of, nor claim as a defect since it’s a “risk taken”  when purchasing one of these monitors. BAH!

BUT ANYWAY, carlos got on my last nerve and we got into it and he tried to act like he knew things and told me that i was keeping jon from his father. and i had to set him straight and rip him a new asshole and trample on his stupid ass ego. and now he’s kissing my bootie. but i’m not falling for it. he is now visiting us once a goddamn month. he ran my cell phone bill up to 460 dollars (yeah, so he’s not using that anymore) and i’m virtually a damn doormat from hell as far as he’s concerned. but according to him, i don’t care about anyone but myself and i’m so selfish and never hear him out.

um.

ok.

enough of that before i get so pissed off  and i… do something bad.

I”m singing the “I don’t have a lap anymore” song to Jacob. The main reason why I don’t get on often is that I get assaulted when I focus on something other than him. He’s such a wonderful child but requires every second of my time.right now he’s grabbing my hands and making  it quite hard to type.

bah baby bah.

speaking  of baby….

*sigh*

so… in some stupid twist of stupidity, there is a slim chance that I”m pregnant right now.

ok, so … yeah.

how?

ok, lets just get into the long ass story. So when C and I weren’t boning, I got a little lax with the ole pills. I kept forgetting to take them. Probably some form of rebellion, denial, passive aggressive tantrum. So in the midst of all the moving chaos, I forgot to take two in the second week. I realized this and doubled them up. But I had a period for 2 weeks cuz I had jacked my system up I suppose. So… on the last day of the period, when I was virtually not bleeding anymore, Carlos was at my apt. helping me clean up. (side note, the one good thing he’s done in the last 4 months… he totally cleaned that place up for me. he did it ALL and  was amazing, and i was able to get back 450 dollars of my security deposit back. so i give him props for that, but not many props… i give him mini props) so anyway… i told him i had to go and suddenly i’m getting boned.

DON’T ASK. It hurt though, cuz it had been over 3 months and … yeah. but anyway…. happiness and joy with pleasure. and i cried. cuz i was like “i didn’t think he’d ever want me” but… there is more to this, cuz I still think he’s got some pooty tang on the side, possibly his daughters mother. and i don’t even know why he did it. maybe it was just evil coming along to do…. this…. fertilization of eggs. green eggs. and ham.

har har. god. whatever.

so yeah…. i was still on inactive pills. and so there is a chance i could be pregnant. i assume that more than likely with both of my children i got pregnant on the last day of the ole period, or the day after, which it sorta was. I”m fertile myrtle on those days.

and so.

i’m waiting.

i’ve been seriously beyond tired. feeling the old breasts for tenderness (which hasn’t happend.. at least… not that i think. i keep think i’m hallucinating or projecting the tenderness)… and i’ve watched to see if jacob starts crawling around (cuz jonathon did that) but he hasn’t (hooray)… and  i’ve been very irritable (which also happens) so…

we’ll see in a few days if I should just keel over and die.

I’m hungry.

which doesn’t mean ANYTHING OK. DON’T SAY IT.

har har har.

oh yeah, and i had a twinge of “morning sickness” the other day. I threw up cuz i had eaten and didn’t feel good and then I smelled something and it triggered me.

*sigh*

whatever.

and more whatever.

with a side of chocolate covered WHATEVAH!!!!!!

 

I tried to highlight my hair. instead of light brown, i got… red. cuz my hair is darker than I thought. so now I have to fix it. cuz I didn’t do it right. and i look stupid. like … really stupid.

so i got some new stuff. and yeah. I’m hoping it works.

I don’t have my camera hooked up cuz the software is in storage. so I can’t take any pictures. though i do have a printer that’s a scanner now. gives me options.

my nipples are too tender.

but let me touch them. ooo… tickly.

i don’t know what the hell i’m doing.

anymore.

or ever.

so um….

If I haven’t bored you enough, or confused you to death or what have the may who… i’m gonna go now. find some frozen pizza, and taquitos with nacho cheese and a pepsi to have for BREAKFAST.

no, i’m not pregnant.

yet.

I”m gonna have a brownie too.

 

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November 18, 2004

WOW. THAT’S A LOT OF STUFF!!!!

November 18, 2004

This entry was tiring πŸ™‚ Glad you’re back though!!

November 18, 2004

I think i get the jist of what is going on, can i just tell you i am so happy you are back!!! How are the boys? How old are they again???

November 18, 2004

I think that entry just made up for the whole time you were gone. I hope your life isn’t sucking too bad other than the obvious suckiness. =/

November 18, 2004

*latest* YouΒ΄re so funny! Good entry….

November 18, 2004

AAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA you are so funny! Oh my gosh, I was cracking up basically throughout this whole entry. I’m gonna add you to my favorites.. and go ahead girl, eat yourself a brownie!!!

Lurk lurk lurk . . . but I’ve GOTTA say . . . I just love your writing style!

November 18, 2004

all i can say is *hug* and good to read your writing again- it always makes me smile because of its stream of consciousness-ness thing… um, I need to stop typing.

Woo hoo… you listened to me and wrote a freaking entry!!! I so proud!!! I’ll call you m’dear

November 18, 2004

what do you mean YET. do you want to be??? have you taken a test? why not????

Oh how I’ve missed you, girlfriend. So I’m assuming we’re keeping our fingers crossed that you are NOT preggers?

November 18, 2004

You make me tired. Really. And you can’t be pregnant. Cuz last time you got pregnant, I got pregnant.

November 18, 2004

wow that was quite the update! but i see you havent lost your touch!!! so good to see you writing! i am hoping life starts looking up for you, sweetie! (((HUGGLES)))

November 18, 2004

YAY I had given up hope on you coming back. I’m sorry you are living at your mom’s but I’m sure you might be a tad bit happy about it. Why did you move back? Glad you are around and I cross my fingers for the prgenancy issue for you. Have a happy Thursday!

November 18, 2004

RYN: Live and learn… πŸ™‚ but you’ll be just fine. I know I couldn’t handle kids right now much less 3 years ago and you do such a good job with yours. and — hello gorgeous πŸ˜‰

November 18, 2004

ty for updating!! do more! more i say, more!!

So happy to see you back, one question though…why did you move out of your apartment? It was yours before he moved in right?

Oh yeah, this is Tara πŸ˜‰

November 18, 2004

Wooo, you’re back! Why did you have to move??

November 18, 2004

lots of stuff going on. and i say spoil the kids now while they are little, but when they get older, learn to say no LOL!! >^..^<

November 18, 2004

That IS a lot! Glad to hear that you’re still alive, but sorry for all of your troubles. Take care!

*hugs*

these are the kind of entries i like…nice and long!

November 18, 2004

hmm taquitos.

glad your back *HUGS* <3 Annie-Rae

November 18, 2004

I’m glad you’re back. I missed you!

November 18, 2004

rut roh, take a test woman. Glad to see you back…. bleugh on Carlos… arse hole to the enth degree.

November 19, 2004

you must come and write more often. i misseded you!!!!! boo boo be doop.

ohhh taquitos.