1993

December 14, 1993 5:23 pm Aaron's Daddy has him right now, because Mommer is slightly agitated. I'm kinda still thinking about what Beth means to me. I look forward to seeing her every week, and sometimes I need to see her in between times - maybe cause she seems to understand. I usually fee...

December 15, 1993 9:42 am I just had a thought - when I lived at home, my days were always exactly the same, so if I had an event or "promise" of something--I would focus mainly on the thought instead of what was happening. I still do that - this morning I got u...

December 17, 1993 2:40 pm I'm at EMMC again - where it all started. Shit - I'm beginning to feel like I live here! BUT I DON'T FEEL VERY COMFORTABLE HERE. Trudy is doing imagery (focusing) work with me while I am here. It was scary this morning, because I could actually feel things...

December 18, 1993 7:47 pm I need to get something to occupy my mind. I'm sincerely bored. I can't write anymore, because my hand hurts really bad. 9:15 pm I had a bout with depression - over the silliest thing! I was watching an Xmas cartoon and a little girl was searching for a grandmother ...

December 19, 1993 9:40 am I had a horrendous night! At around 1:00 this morning Aaron woke me up, and I hated was extremely mad at him, and I was overwhelmed by feelings of *confusion*, anger (directed at Aaron, and I was so livid that I didn't bother to be logical about ...

December 20, 1993 8:35 am Had a really weird dream last night. First I dreamt that I was in a room with a man (he looked suspiciously like a man on a soap opera) and he was naked + had Kevin's body (I only discovered this when he was back to) and I said something like "are…

December 24, 1993 6:56 pm Christmas Eve! Kevin is sleeping on the couch beside me, and I don't feel alone, even though he is sleeping - HE'S CLOSE. We took the headboard off the bed, and Kevin threw it out the door (it splintered and broke.) It felt good to watch it "crack" bu...

December 25, 1993 MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS! (1:41 pm) I'm playing a video tape of MY son, and when it has run it's course, I have mega-housework to do. Bummer. I had a major tussle with a 12 pound turkey a few minutes ago, and I came out the VICTOR! That bird is now residing in my o...

December 26, 1993 5:50 pm Aaron is sitting in his swing talking + crying at the same time, and he's irritating me. I love him right to death BUT HE BUGS ME! He looks at me with such love, and I am his very existance! It's a really AWESOME feeling, but quite a responsibility - a rea...

December 27, 1993 10:12 am Lots to write about today! First, Kevin brought me home a pregnancy test, and we did it this morning, and we it came out negative. I can remember a time when a negative result would depress me. I'm not sure how I feel about the result this morning. I know that…