2003

February 12, 2003 Not feeling safe today, Andy has me spending my time in the millieu. I really like want to end my life right now - I'm ugly, I'm fat, I have nothing to offer - the boys didn't even get much out of the visit yesterday they didn't have a whole lot to say…

February 1, 2003 I've been in the hospital for a month now. This BMHI business has really got me bummed to the max! What's the point of trying anymore? All my dreams are ending the same, too, so why not just give Dr. Riaz what he wants, a compliant patient who doesn't fight his wishes?…

January 29, 2003 Today was my tenth ECT - I feel that these are helping me - Dr. Riaz spoke of sending me on a pass home before he sends me home - I mentioned it to Kevin--he agreed--he'd like to be here during my treatment on Friday; I'll mention it to Dr. Riaz +…

January 16, 2003 Still doing the Reverse checks! I just talked to Kevin on the phone and he wants to come to my treatment tomorrow. I'd like for him to come too, it's nice to have his support there. He also wants to be there when I have my court date so see how long I have…

January 13, 2003 Just had a visit with Kevin and the boys - we had pizza in my room. It was a really good visit, I missed the boys - and they behaved quite well. Kevin said that he wouldn't mind if they gave me more time on my court date, he doesn't want me…

January 8, 2003 Had the ECT done today, it seemed to go okay, I slept most of the day away afterwards, so I'm not sure. Just a little tiny bit of memory loss - a few names, a few details - nothing major. Kevin stayed with me through it - that was comforting. I didn't…

THESE ARE ENTRIES THAT I WROTE WHILE I WAS IN THE PSYCH HOSPITAL..... January 7, 2003 I've been in the hospital for 6 days and have got exactly nothing accomplished. Yesterday Rodney told me that it looked good that I would get the priviledge of going to my room and maybe a level raise (actu...