all about sean. . .

oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god
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oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god
oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god
oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god
oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god
oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god
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ok that should do it. . .i dont know what im doing. sean just left. he has actually kept his word to me about doing things and coming over and hasnt screwed around and pissed me off yet. this is some sort of record. damn i dont know what to do with him. yesterday he came over and we went and got some movies and watched them at my house. in my bedroom. with the door shut. parents were home. he was freaking out until he realized how awesome my mom is. my mom likes him. dont know why but she is impressed by him. weird. . .i think so. my dad also really likes him. he wants him to hang out more often. let me start at the beginning. ok he came over and actually came up to the door and in the house to get me!! ok thats not really that weird or a big deal but in the situation and if you knew sean its a bit weird and exciting. because this is technically our ‘first date’ alone and everything i mean no family influence and cousins not around. and he knows my parents already too. and he didnt just come in and get me and everything he came into the living room and talked with my parents for a while. yes you should’ve seen the look on my moms face. she kept looking at me with this ‘wow i’m impressed with your selection this time’ look. so we left and we went and got movies. we got ‘heat’ with robert deniro and al pacino. i’d never seen it and its his favorite movie. i really liked it. except for it was really long and laying next to him for that long made me feel all too comfortable. grrrrrr. but he realized how awesome my parents where when my dad knocked on the door and said come out here your mom made you guys dinner. so i went out there and she had a platter of food, and homemade cookies. and it was all set up on a little tray that she made just so i could take it into my room 🙂 sean was impressed with the parental units as well. after we ate and finished heat we started to watch blow with johnny depp. we didnt get too far into it because he had to get the suburban back to judy (his ex girlfriends mom that he lives with) he also lives with my cousins and its really a big confusing living situations. some of you know about it. but anyway we made out a little and had fun rolling in the bed and laughing. nothing really sexual. just nice-ness. he made me forget to be mad at him. but we talked about what was going on when we first started hanging out. i didnt really know this but apparently the night we hung out for the first time was the exact same day his girlfriend left him. i felt like an idiot when he told me that. i assumed that his girlfriend left him like a month before. i didnt realize it was that day!! so he explained to me that the only reason he was not really into me at first is that he needed time to deal with his gf leaving him. ok so i understand that. i shouldnt have been so quick to assume and be mad. but now im really on the defensive here. but for now i’ve put all that behind me and im having fun with him. at least for now. we were also joking about how my aunt first introduced us. she’s like michelle this is sean. sean this is my niece michelle. she’s available. and sean told me last night that my face was so red when she said that. im sure it was. thats embarassing. last night he told me that he was going to come over today and that i needed to text him when i woke up. i didnt get my hopes up. so i woke up about 9 and texted him and he wrote back about a half an hour later and said he was just getting ready and an hour later he was walking up my front steps. so we sat here and ate breakfast together. then we watched a classic car auction on tv. it was fun. i hate that im liking him again though. but he’s actually nice. and he cares about things. not necessarily me but he isnt just an idiot that doesnt care about anything like i wanted to believe. but yeah anyway so we’re sitting there this morning and the phone rang and i just silenced it and he’s like oh is that your boyfriend and im like nope i dont have one of those and he’s like well maybe, lets just see how things work out. gaaahhhhh!!! it was actually pretty nice to hear though. and the only reason i was mad at him before was because he acted into me but in the end thought he was just leading me on. i had no idea how recently it was that him and his gf broke up. i sort of feel like an ass for being mean to him now. and i can understand that he didnt tell me. he hardly knew me and he needed time and i just didnt know that. hmmmmmm i dont know. i guess we’ll ‘just see how things work out’ hehe im being a nerd. what am i gonna do with myself. im a big ball of confusing emotions today. but most of them are good emotions 🙂
random song quote of the day:
song: beautiful mistake
artist: the ataris
quote:
Maybe I’m not ready for this, and you know it.
Maybe I’m too scared to tell you what I’m really thinking
It’s not fair to stay together because of regrets we might have.
I don’t want to fall asleep alone, but do I want to wake up with you?
I’m only trying to be completely honest.