weirdo

ok just a quick story about something weird that happened to me last night. . .ummm i was at work and this guy walked in and i was putting movies away and i asked him if he needed any help finding anything. and he goes ‘michelle’ and i got all freaked out ‘cuz i had no idea who he was. didnt look familiar or anything. so im like yeah. . .who are you. and he didnt say anything for a few seconds so i was getting all scared and finally he’s like. oh you dont remember me and im thinking ‘well obviously not you fucking prick otherwise i wouldnt have asked’ but i just said ummm no. so he tells me about how we met like almost 2 years ago. and blah blah blah we ‘hooked up’ and i still have absolutely no idea who this guy is so he tells me his name and im like ‘oh yeah. . .you’ i guess he looks a lot different. not bad or good just different, i guess. so i was like yeah i guess i didnt recognize you. and he’s like yeah. then he just stared at me for a while and im like uhhh ok. and he gets all red and starts stuttering and goes ‘maybe i shouldnt have even came in here’ so i just go ‘well ok’ and he stares at me for another little while and im like fuck is this guy just gonna sit here and stare at me all night!?!?!? so finally he goes ummm well i was just wondering if you were still interested. so i tell him that im seeing someone and he goes oh ok well do you just want my number or can i have yours or something. like hello. . .what part of ‘i’m seeing someone’ did you not understand. so i think i embarassed him and he finally left. i vaguely remember the night i was with him. i mean it was at that time in my life where i was sort of fucked up. i kinda felt like telling him that i didnt remember him because that night i was either high, drunk, or spun and there was a good chance that i was all three. thats probably the only reason i did anything with him. from what i remember he had a girlfriend. which yeah i know what horrible of me. i mean not many people on here know about my ‘past’ now im more comfortable with the fact that i was an incredible moron because i think its part of what makes me the way i am now. but for about a year and a half, like right before i turned 18, the whole year i was 18 and a few months after i turned 19, i was royally screwed up. i mean i slept around a bit, did drugs, got drunk a lot. i hid it surprisingly well from a lot of people. but it was just weird that he approached me and the whole situation was weird especially because of the only reason anything happened with us. i mean he cheated on his girlfriend with me, so i kinda think that he thought i wouldnt care about cheating on the person im with. but im different now. ehhh it was sooo weird. i wish sean would’ve been with me last night at work. cuz sometims he randomly stops by ‘cuz he has to drive through town to get home and he occasionly (not lately though) stops in to see me when he has some time. he’s been so busy so him being there didnt have really good chances. i think sean would’ve freaked out on him. i mean i’ve never seen sean really mad or anything usually he’s really chill and cool. but just from the way he talks i have a feeling that he would want to kill someone if they fucked with me or the people he cares for.  hmmmm anyway this turned from just a quick story to an entry so i’ll just keep going with it. something sean said to me the other day. well you know we havent been seeing each other very often but it was a time after we hadnt seen each other in a few days and he goes ‘so have you been good lately’ and im like ‘of course sean im a good girl’ and he just kinda laughed. i thought nothing of it. so a little later he goes. so sunshine told me that you were being a bad girl not to long ago. and i had no idea what he was talking about. so im like oh yeah what did she say. and he goes. sunshine and kelly said that they saw you the other day and you were all spun out. and i’ve told him that i havent gotten spun in like almost a year. so im just like no i wasnt. i told you i dont do that anymore. and then he realized i was getting a bit uncomfortable i guess and he’s just like oh its ok i was just saying what they said. i didnt mean anything. but i know exactly what day they were talking about though. i wasnt spun or high or anything but i know why they thought that. it was a weird night.  hmmmm so im not really mad at them. it was kind of rude that they assumed but they know me all too well. i just cant do it anymore because its some scary stuff. i sat there and lost ryan to it and just about lost myself to it too. ive told them all i dont do it anymore but i guess its kind of hard to believe that i gave it up. im glad i never got in as far as some people i know did. meh anyway i dream about sean every night and i wake up always thinking he’s in my bed but he never is. i think i’ll call them when seans on call and make up some fake business stuff and get him to come out to the place he works at occasionally thats by my house and kidnap him. thats a good plan. hehe first i’d blindfold him and tie him up. . .oh wait you guys probalby dont want details about that  oh oh oh me and my mom were making cd’s last night and we were picking songs we wanted on our cds and my mom goes what about that one funny one thats the adam song or whatever. and im like who the hell are you talking about. and she goes you told me about the song that that guy adam you liked a long time ago who was dating tommy, you know the devil. and im like oh god mom you’re so funny. i guess you guys have to know that one time me and my friend at the time made up all these stories about these guys named adam and tommy and brad. and in our story they were all gay and tommy was the devil and adam was his boyfriend. i cant believe my mom remembers all that and she actually uses it in reference and doesnt think im clinically insane, which she probably should. so anyway she wanted ‘adam’s song’ on her cd. and the song is a rap song by TECH N9NE and its called im a playa. so now she has a cd with i’m a playa on it and she listens to her cds at work and i was joking with her last night that she’s gonna be listening to this cd and her boss is going to walk in her office and that songs gonna be starting and its funny ‘cuz one of the first lines before all the real singing is ‘motherfucka i’m a playa’ damn my mom is so cool. bahahaha growl im done now. i must’ve been really bored ‘cuz this entry is really long and i dont think it makes a whole lot of sense. buh. . .

random song of the day:
song: i changed my name
artist: sugarcult
I couldn’t sleep last night
My ears were ringing in my head
Best friends with the boogie man
I may be better off here dead
Running on empty once again
Too tired for tears I dread
Sink deep into those magic dreams
While I blast off in my bed

And you know I played it all in here
Where everyone hides their darkest shades of fears
And I threw my whole night down the drain
You know cause everyone says that i’m not the same
Since I changed my name

Three hours later and i’m staring at the ceiling still
Xanax does nothing more but calm the sleeping thrill
Turning the pillows round and round to find the cold spot for my head
Ah, bless my only friend

And you know I played it all in here
Where e

veryone hides their darkest shades of fears
And I threw my whole night down the drain
You know cause everyone says that i’m not the same
And everyone turns tricks for fickle fame

I feel my body’s lost control
My knees get weak as I drift away
And it gets darker, darker
Dreaming’s where I am

And you know I played it all in here
Where everyone hides their darkest shades of fears
And I threw my whole night down the drain

And you know I played it all in here
Where everyone hides their darkest shades of fears
And I threw my whole night down the drain
You know cause everyone says that i’m not the same
Since I changed my name