2018

It’s been about 10 months since I last wrote in here – once my free month was up I just never bothered paying for the full subscription because I didn’t think I’d use this enough for the money to be worth it.

But here I am! Back again with a shiny new yearly subscription paid for and all set  to be a complete cliche and have a ‘New Year, New Me’ moment. I don’t know how exactly I expect writing here to help improve my 2019 but at this point, I’m eager to try anything.

2018 was a complete shit storm. I quit my job and went to Europe thinking that I was going to have these amazing, life-altering experiences but it was nothing like that. Sure, I had a good time and saw so many beautiful new places but I can’t help the feeling of disappointment at everything the trip didn’t deliver on. Then when I returned home to no job, no money, and absolutely zero direction, I just sort of…crashed. October through til now has been spent halfheartedly applying for jobs I don’t particularly want, working a crappy part time job I only took out of desperation for money, napping, avoiding friends, experiencing panic attacks for the first time, and crying. So. Much. Crying. Crying alone in the car. Crying in  the cinema. Crying in the chocolate aisle of Coles. If only I could add ‘consistent public crier’ to my resume, maybe that’d take me places.

I threw myself into losing weight and improving myself physically because I feel like that’s all I have control of at the moment. So I started working out 4 times a week, stretching daily, running 5 times a week, playing netball twice a week, and doing my best to stick to a regular adult diet that doesn’t have a solid foundation of chocolate and chips. It gave me something to focus on while all the other life stuff just kind of crumbled in the background. To be honest though, that’s pretty much all stopped since Christmas after I gave myself permission to take a break til Jan 1 because it was getting pretty exhausting trying to keep it all up.

I feel hopeful that 2019 will be different though – I’m desperate for change and I’m willing to make it happen. People are always saying how lame New Years Resolutions are and that you shouldn’t have to wait until a new year to make changes in you life but for me, the promise of a fresh new year is exactly the motivation I need to kick my ass into gear. I turn 25 in less than a week and I’m terrified that I’ve wasted every year so far.  That needs to change; I can’t spend the next 25 years the same way or all I’ll be left with on my deathbed is a sad, empty life.

So, here are my 2019 New Years Resolutions/Goals, complete with cliche and lameness:

• Go out more
• Put in effort to see friends
• Get a full time job
• Talk to at least one new person every week
• Move out of home
• Travel somewhere outside of the state with friends
• Buy a planner and stay organised
• Write more
• Read at least 30 books
• Lose 5kgs
• Stop bingeing
• Run a marathon

I feel the list can really just be shortened to ‘stop being a hermit,’  but I thought it best to be more specific.

I can do this!

Ashleigh