Day One

“Finally Open Diary is back! I’m going to write here so often!” – Me, a dead set liar.

It’s not that I don’t have anything to write about; I’m just a straight up lazy fuck. However, I am also pretty competitive so I’ve set myself the challenge of writing an entry every day for 30 days (because I can even turn diary writing into a competitive sport).

Today is the second Sunday in a row that Angus (the guy I used to date and then we broke up and then I slept with him even though he has a girlfriend because I’m the devil) has asked to hang out for non-sex purposes (but still making it very obvious he’s hoping for sex) and then just stops talking to me, erasing the possibility of us actually hanging out. Sure, I could message him and be, like, “Hey, are we still hanging out today?” but in my mind, that’s losing the game we apparently have going on and I refuse to be the one chasing him for a catch up. So for the second weekend in a row, we organised to hang out…and then never actually did. But whatever, it’s his loss.

My running is going average because my ankle is still a little messed up. I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned in my last few entries that I run but, yeah, I’m a runner now…or at least I was before my body decided to crap out on me. It’s quite literally the only thing that keeps me sane so not having it properly for the last month or so has been driving me nuts. I’ve been to the physio a couple of times but he has no clue what I’ve done either which makes me, a paranoia-inclined girl, worry that he thinks I’m faking it. I haven’t yet found a subtle, normal-person way to drop into the conversation with him that I promise I’m not faking it (especially not for $75 a session. Who needs money anyway?). Because for some reason I desperately need my physio to know that I’m not just making up the pain…see, in my mind these things sound normal, and then I write them down and then I just wonder what’s wrong with me. I worry about literally the stupidest of things but I’ve been this way for 24 years now so I guess I’ll just stick with it.

Anyway, I digress. Slowly building my distances up again so hopefully I’ll be back on track soon. The plan for this year is at least three half marathon events plus the 23km at the Great Ocean Road Running Festival which is still easily achievable, as long as I start up my training again soon. And then next year I’m entering the ballot for the New York City Marathon which is my absolute dream to get into. I feel a little like I’m jinxing myself just by mentioning it out loud rather than keeping it as a ‘maybe-achievable dream’ that lives purely in my head. I wish I was as passionate about my future career as I am about running. I’ve just got to find a way to get paid for running and then everything would be perfect.

Ate a whole packet of mint slices this afternoon which somehow makes me both proud and disgusted. Contrary to that sentence, my eating has actually been going alright lately – I feel like I’m finally starting to find that balance that I’ve never quite been able to achieve before. I was always either going way too crazy on the junk, or just completely restricting myself, neither of which are healthy obviously.

Ok, I know this entry has been a mess because I’m trying to write it at the same time as watching YouTube videos open in a window next to OD and it turns out I’m not as good at multitasking as I previously thought. So I won’t even bother proof reading because no amount of editing is going to fix this garbage!

Ashleigh