Routines

Day three of the new year and I’m still going strong with the ‘write more’ goal…nobody is more surprised than I am.

I skipped my morning run today and felt endlessly guilty the rest of the day, despite still getting along to the running club’s track session tonight. Like, ‘Oh no, I only busted my ass running once today instead of twice!’ But it’s my routine and whenever I break it I feel out of whack and like I’ve been ‘bad’ or something. Anyway, it was hot all day and then even the night track session was a bust because my mind and body just weren’t cooperating – coming back after a little break over Christmas and New Years is hard. Everyone at the club is so supportive though and I get nothing but encouragement from then. I could skip a thousand runs and they’d still insist I was doing well! I need those kinds of people in my life considering how bad I am at giving myself any kind of support or encouragement.

Still got my daily exercises done, as well.

75 x regular squats
75 x sumo squats
1 min. plank
20 calf raises (each leg)
1 min. stretches x 3 (L-sit, V-sit, toe touch)

And yet…I still don’t feel like it was a successful day because I missed that first run.

I saw a post on Instagram today that said, ‘What if you didn’t need fixing? What if you weren’t working hard every day to make yourself better? Is that even allowed?’ And I so, so desperately wish that I could embrace that way of thinking and truly believe that I am fine just the way I am but I just can’t. It feels like every day I find a new thing about myself that needs ‘fixing’ and, to be honest, I am a little tired of it. I need to lose weight. I need to run faster and further. I need to be a nicer person. I need to be more outgoing etc. etc. etc. It’s never ending and it’s scary to think that even if by some miracle I did fix all these things there’s always another perceived flaw that will pop up. I wish I could just be content with the way I am right now at this moment but, alas, it isn’t so.

Tomorrow I start (again) on trying to improve my eating. Towards the end of last year I was doing really well and felt pretty good physically but that’s dropped off a little with all the treats and temptations of the holiday season. So I’m trying to get back into the healthy eating mindset and wean myself off the pounds of sugar I’ve been eating on a daily basis. It’ll be tough to get back into it but I know its only a matter of time before it’s all a routine again and it becomes easier.