August 14, 2003

Phone Disturbance

Phone call from mother today holding all the below:

Her being concerned I was in the area of the black-outs, even though I called from Ohio 3 days ago, and not to mention a black-out isn’t cause for much concern.
“But I thought maybe you wouldn’t be able to get water.”
My mom is so irrationally adorable sometimes. (weird feelings arise from suddenly liking my mother’s quirks…)

The news that my cat Maline never came back after being let out nearly a week ago. Leaving my head to believe she is dead. Eaten by a coyote I’m sure. But not without a hint of hope she might suddenly show up someday. But overall… feeling rather calm about the news. Which disturbed me. My cat is gone, and here I am not feeling emotions. Just a subtle feeling that such an event was not desirable.
“I feel really bad,” Mother says meakly.
“No, don’t worry about it. It’s not a big deal. It’s just a cat.”
Really, I’m sure mother is feeling too guilty about the situation. It’s better I didn’t sound too upset. but…
Not sure it’s a better way to live, this unaffected mode.

Room for hope of regaining my scholarship for college, after failing my ass out last semester, beyond belief. I think I’m ready again. But maybe I still need time off. Again, unaffected, unsure. Either way.

Mother telling me that if she dies on her trip to Lake Tahoe, the money in her bank account is to be split between my sister and me.

This. phone call. left an odd wake after ending.
Mostly from not knowing what to think. feel. want.

“Would you pack your things, we are going to Marrakesh.”

our love is like jesus, the worst!

one would think after living in california she’d have learned not to worry about power loss : P

ya i would feel a lil werid about that phone call too. but try and see if ull get back to chapman…sorry about the cat. stay safe.

Pretty creepy phone call, all right – especially that last bit. Would definitely give me the creeps. Where’s next on your itinerary?

that’s so movie-ish. it’s like you’re growing up again but from a different perspective. i think time away from everything familiar gives you the opportunity to reflect on things in a way that you otherwise wouldn’t see because you’re directly involved with what’s going on around you. and you told me once about your basqueness, and i think that’s very cool. you are the one and only basque person..

that i know. and that’s pretty cool. do yourself a favor and learn about your heritage someday. then after i’ve read War and Peace in russian and explained the blasphemies wrought by the english translation on the original text, you can tell me all about the basque people.

maybe the fact that your cat is gone won’t hit you til you’re home again and the poor thing isn’t there. *hope all is well and you are safe* :o)

i don’t know why we’re watching ‘bonkers’. i mean gah. anyway.

ryn: yeah i feel the same way. i want to travel at least half of my life. spend winters at home and summers wherever. i’ve just learned so much but don’t really have any means of applying it yet. i just need something solid to regroup on and then i’m anxious to go learn more. mostly what i miss at this point is hannah and everyone at home.

we’re watching Bonkers because it rules. and you know it.

yeah I know that happens alot…but in my case..the boys who I’m usually in love with don’t love another girl..they love another boy…I’ve fallen for two gay guy friends before..and I didn’t know they were gay til after I had fallen for them…I’m just glad we were able to stay friends after all the awkwardness..I love that you write me notes back. love