4 rounds of chemo down now!!

I think I like the new OD. I just have to get used to it. How long has it been changed?

I am still doing okay. I took four rounds of the really tough chemo. I survivied it. Tired of feeling sick and tired though.

There’s so much I want/need to write about. Today has been a very emotional day. I have been weepy. Things are so different in my life now. I just need to start getting on here and writing more often. My head is spinning.

A week from Tuesday I will switch chemo drugs and then I have to do 12 weeks of weekly chemo infusions. I should finish around June 16th and then I start radiation. When all of this is done (including my surgeries) it’ll almost be a whole year of fighting and recovering from cancer.

I started back to work part time-days. My bosses have been very flexible and helpful with all this. There is no way I could work nights (especially 10 hour shifts) and do chemo.

I am mostly on Facebook but there’s so much I can’t share on there.

Mainly I want to talk about issues that I haven’t dealt with. Which means I have to deal with my own mortality. They gave me a 49% chance of surviving this and because I am doing a clinical study drug it goes up to 66%. I have tried not to focus on that. I haven’t even let my mind go there, but I do need to face up to it. There are some things that I have to take care of…arrangements and such. Once I deal with these issues I can check that off of my "to do" box and continue on with my journey.

It’s not going to be easy though. I think I need to write letters to my kids and hubby and family members. I need to write a letter to mail to Pastor John with all of my arrangements.

I have to go now. I will write more later.

So glad to see an update from you. I think of you often. Yay for successfully completing 4 rounds! I only know about dealing with a cancer diagnosis from a child’s point of view so I think of your children often as well. I remember my mom used to try to talk about life after she was gone and I wouldn’t listen. I was in such denial. I blocked out most of what she said. Now that she’s gone I wish I could go back and change that. I really wish she’d written down all her food recipes for me. I’m always remember some dish she made that I really liked and wish I could make now. Anyway, the point of all my rambling is to be patient with your kids, and if they refuse to talk to you about it, write things down for them. Of course you’re strong and you’re going to beat this, but it’s also good to be prepared.

Susan, my heart goes out to you. I have been through my mother’s death and the death of my twin baby girls at birth. It is very difficult and of course, it makes a big difference at what age a person dies. My mom was 81 and she had been sick for a long time, but she wanted to keep living. We lived every day as if we were going to live forever. I think that’s the only way to cope.

My dad, who is 87, has liver cancer and as I write this, I’m waiting to hear what the doctor said today. So like I said, my heart goes out to you. This is so difficult. But just remember, where there is life there is hope. This moment is all that counts and you are alive right now. Big hugs.

I keep you and your family, in my daily prayers. I pray it’s God’s will to heal you. I do not know the correct words to say, but, my honest heart says, I love you, I care about you, I empathize with YOU, and all you are going through. I just want you to know, I think you are being very courageous, very strong, and facing everything as it comes along. I admire you, for being so brave and talking about all possibilities. Plus, I KNOW that you know Jesus as your Savior, and EVENTUALLY, when God does call you, You’ll go Home. I pray that He will give you MANY years of restored health and healing. I love you Susan and miss you. I have free long distance calling here with Severn. We are roommates and friends now, nothing more, lol. I was wondering, May I please call you sometime? IF it’s okay, give me a day, time, and such that will work for you. I work part time at Menard’s and I will let you know, right back, what can work for me. Maybe give me a few different days and times? :*))) Lots of love and bighugz. Oh, and my e-mail is: Butterfly4Him01@gmail.com if you prefer to e-mail the # to me. IF you don’t want to, it’s okay, I will NOT be upset. I just feel led to ask. BigHUgzzzz.

Hi Susan. I was very sorry to hear about your cancer. Sincerely so. I have been very self-absorbed lately with some problems, but that doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t have noted earlier. I honestly hope that you will be ok…and by that I mean have some really good days where this doesn’t get you down emotionally or physically. I will say prayers for you. I think it’s good to make “those” plans evenif you weren’t sick. I finally got life insurance myself. It’s something nobody likes to think about. Try to be optimistic as hard as it may seem. I know you have a pretty good family base, and for that I’m grateful for you that you do. :)) Take it easy and take care.

Grammy's Heart

March 18, 2009

I’m so sorry you are having to go through this, but I learned with my daughter’s life that medical percentages don’t mean a thing!! Especially when we know who is in charge – and it’s not us. I will continue to pray for you and your family.