processing stuff

I went to a "chemo sabes" support group lastnight. I took my neighbor lady and new freind along with me. For the most part I really enjoyed it. There was a couple of pretty profound thoughts that I want to remember from what I heard there so I thought I would write about them in here.

There first thing is that I heard there was a correlation between breast cancer recurrance and obesity. I thought "oh my gosh I have to lost weight now because my life could depend on it" Of course lastnight I couldn’t sleep well so I did a little research online with the American Journal of  Medicine and I learned that your chemo should dosages should be based on your weight. People who are a lot heavier should get more toxic doses of it and doctors will frown upon that. So a lot of times that will dose it down as to not destry your liver, heart and kidneys (because of the adverse side effects of the chemo-poisin!!) So essentially they are getting "weaker" doses than what they need. It has nothing to do with exercising more and losing weight after chemo.

I also learned that most people will overall gain some weight with chemo. I last 20 pounds on the chemo crash diet with the first 4 rounds (every other week rounds) because it was really hard core chemo and made me really sick. These weekly 12 rounds (a different drug) doesn’t make you as sick and they give you a steroid with it. It helps your body to process the chemo. The steroids will keep you from sleeping and increase your appetite. This is probably why I have gained back 12 of the 20 pounds lost and I only got 3 hours of sleep lastnight.

I also heard a lady say that if she got the chance to take her cancer experience away and also had to sacrifice all the friendships she has made because of her cancer and all the changes that she made in her life she wouldn’t do it. She said that cancer has changed her life in so many ways for the better and she wouldn’t change that if given the chance. It brought tears to my eyes.

Alot of these ladies have their major cancer battles "behind" them (meaning no longer in treatments) and they are active in lobbying congress and going to the state capital to get funding for different causes. Some of the ladies have even been to Washington D.C. I have realized that this cancer has propelled some of these ladies into new careers and lifestyles altogether. I thought to myself  " I wonder where it’s going to take me" I know I will volunteer and mentor other cancer patients and I am already doing that. My neighbor shared with the group how much of an inspiration I have been to her. It felt good to know that I can use this experience to help others.

I also wonder if I will eventually get sick of all this cancer stuff and cancer talk and get to a point where I just want to put it all behind me and try to forget about it. It seems like you would get tired of Cancer taking over every aspect of your life.

Another thing that I want to write about in here is having to go into instant menopause. My tumor was fed by hormones so I was put into instant menopause with the chemo. When I am done with chemo I have to take an oral pill for 5 years to keep me in menopause. I go to bed freezing cold and wake up every morning at 3am with hot flashes. It sucks because I can’t take anything for it…even herbal remedies (because they aren’t approved by the FDA and noboby knows how it would interact with my chemo)

My dad went to the Susan G Komen walk on Saturday to support me and walk on my team. My mom said he started looking at the "memory wall" and he is having a really hard time with all of this. He wasn’t around when I was really, really sick with chemo (my mom flew home for awhile and dad didn’t) My mom said yesterday that Dad is having a really hard time…worrying about me and not sleeping at night. He didn’t realize exactly how SERIOUS and LIFE THREATENING this is for me. AFterall, my cancer was in advanced stages before I found it.  We are going camping with my family this weekend and I will be sure to give him extra time and hugs.

That’s all I want to write about for now. Sorry about all the cancer talk. You all must get sick of hearing about it all the time. YES I do have a life outside of my illness!! 

I will write more about daily (more boring) activities but wanted to record some of these thoughts to remember for later.