Chapter 4- It’s Out!

I called Pam, and then I called my lawyer, who told me this was the reason for keeping all communication and evidence. I went into my office and started emailing files to the lawyer so I would not only have proof of the crap he pulled, but it would make him look like a fool in front of the courts.

A few weeks passed and our court date arrived, Pam, and Trinity went to court with me as a form of support, by the time the judge adjourned the case, I not only had primary custody of Ciara and Nicole, he went from having them every other week to every other weekend, and on the weekends, he didn’t have the girls, he got to spend 6 months in jail. When the girls got home, I prepared them to go to their dads since it was his weekend. And it was the first time they had ever fought me on going. I did everything I could do, from bribing them to telling them that Pam could ride with us, to promising them a weekend at Disneyland. We were an hour late getting there, so I apologized to their dad. Pam and I went on our merry way, and I watched Nicole sit down in the front yard with her hands over her face. My heart broke as we turned the corner. I looked over at Pam, who had tears in her eyes.

A few hours later, we were lying in bed watching a movie. The next thing I knew, Pam was staring at me in fear. “Britt, wake up, you’re screaming, you’re having a nightmare.” She said Hand on my arm. “Don’t touch me, just get away from me,” I said, terrified, shaking, I got out of bed, and went into the bathroom with my blanket. I didn’t appear again until the sun started rising, that’s when I saw Pam lying on the floor next to the bathroom door.

I quietly stepped over her, but it was enough movement to cause her to stir, then sit up.

“Are you ok?” She said, looking at me with sad eyes. I didn’t say anything, but when to the kitchen, and started making breakfast. As I was cleaning up from breakfast, Pam entered behind me and put her arms around my waist, holding me close to her chest. “Whatever that was last night, you have to talk to me about it. you scared me, it was like you couldn’t wake up, I want to help, but I can’t do that unless you level with me.” She said as I turned to dry my hands on the kitchen towel.

Later that night, we were out with the girls, and I was shying away from everyone. I loved being with them, but my ptsd flare wasn’t settling, and I walked up on a conversation not meant for me to hear. “Hey Pam, what’s going on with you and Brittany? She’s quiet tonight, and you haven’t been up against her like you usually are. please tell me it’s not ending.” Trinity said,”I honestly don’t know what’s going on with her. She woke up last night screaming and fighting. .she woke me up from a dead sleep. I had to shake her awake, and she ended up sleeping in the bathroom.” Pam said. “It sounds like PTSD, it flares up at random and is hard to calm down, be patient with her,” Demi said, entering the conversation. It was at that point that I was done. I waited for Pam to walk to the bathroom, I went and paid my tab and walked out, leaving Pam with her friends.

I arrived home, proceeded to take my makeup off, before turning on the shower. I came out of the bathroom in a towel, to Pam sitting on the edge of our bed. “What’s going on with you?” She said, looking up at me. ” Can I get dressed and then we talk? I don’t feel comfortable attempting a conversation with me in a towel,” I said quickly, looking for a pair of pajamas. once I had dressed, I sat down next to her. “I have PTSD from the abuse I endured from my exhusband, I guess the court date, and seeing how the girls didnt want to go spend the weekend with him set it off, it normally is controlled, I didnt even realize it was going to rear it’s ugly head, I’m sorry I scared you., I said, wiping the tears from my face. “You have nothing to apologize for, Britt. That is on him, not you; he was the one who abused you. I don’t ever want you to apologize for what he did to you.”