Feeling lost, confused and hurting…

I don’t know what has become of this world where people rather be connected to digital than the people around them. To many say one thing and act totally opposite. To me relationships are an equal partnership both working towards goals, future, etc….Yet time and again I feel ignored and cast aside, like what makes me is unimportant and undesirable to the point I am not anywhere on the priority. I am finding myself crying to sleep that everyday stresses that can usually roll off my back and handle with no problem are making me feel tense, sad and just want to give up. I try to stand up for myself and even been told to do so but when I do I am not heard I am made to feel like my feelings are wrong and unimportant that I just need to shutup, keep my head down and let the world walk all over me especially those that are closest to me. I am open minded but feel like a place holder to keep appearances. I don’t know how much more I can take before I just want to throw in the towel and leave the world behind because no one will miss me, just miss using me. Don’t tell me you want me but ignore me and go looking at porn/pics of what I am not because all it tells me is you don’t want a girlfriend and that you rather have a gurlfriend something I will never be. Don’t tell me that if you didn’t want me I wouldn’t be just here and then ignore me and have no care for what makes me laugh or smile because it tells me I am just a tool to be used to keep up appearances and help carry the burden of day to day living. It’s enough of a struggle with trying to be strong and go against what society says I should be that I can never be and try and believe in myself but so painful that I feel beaten down when I have to deal with it from those around me. I am hanging by a thread of my own inner compass of making sure to leave those behind in a better place financially and without burden….how long will that even last…I don’t know….😢