Petra’s Saga

Petra is a black swan living in Germany.  A swan in love.  Unfortunately, Petra is in love with a paddle boat that is shaped like a swan.

She won’t leave the paddle boat’s side.  When Petra was moved to a zoo, the zoo took the boat as well.  Eventually, a real swan caught Petra’s fancy, and she hung around him for a while, but then he up and left, seeking love down another avenue.  Since then, Petra’s been agitated, so the boat will be returning to the zoo on Friday.

All of this is true.

The following is a collection of excerpts from my fictionalized account of this love story.  It should be noted that all of the names are made up except for Petra.

"Oh Friederich, I have something awful to tell you.  I fear I may have fallen for another.  Please hear me out, Friederich.  I certainly hope this doesn’t make you hate me.  The last thing I’d ever wanted to do is break your heart.  You mean the world to me, and it meant so much that you moved with me.  However, when I met Cedrick, I felt a connection.  He shares his feelings with me.  Please don’t take this the wrong way.  What first attracted me to you was the fact that you’re the strong silent type.  I felt that I knew what you were feeling even though you weren’t expressing it.  However, Friederich, I’m beginning to believe that your unwillingness to open up to me isn’t very good for our emotional health.  What do you think?

Petra waits for Friederich to respond, but is met with the usual expressionless stare.  The silence is replaced by Petra’s low sobbing.  She closes her eyes, turns, and slowly swims away, barely able to choke out the words, "Auf wiedersehen, meine Lieben."

Friederich was gone the next day, presumably to start a new life.

Cedrick runs into his old friend, Cygnus.
"Sup, dude?"  Cygnus says, with the swan-equivalent of a high-five.
"Hey man, it’s good to see you.  What’s going on?’
"Keepin’ it real, Homeslice Runner.  I’m keepin’ it real.  Hey, what’s this I hear that you’ve got a lady?"
"Oh, you heard that, huh?  Yeah, she’s great."
"Well, tell me about her."
"Okay, where do I start? She just moved here–"
"Whoa, you’re not talking about Petra, are you?"
"Oh, you know her?"
"Yeah, she’s a boat fucker."
"Excuse me?"
"She fucks boats."
"I don’t even know what that means."
"Look, dude.  I’m just glad you heard it from me.  Look, I gotta go.  Good luck with that."

Cedrick had to get to the bottom of this.Cedrick heard Petra enter, but he didn’t turn around to greet her.  He was still trying to figure out the proper way of putting his jumbled thoughts into words.  Petra, however, was unaware of the woes that weighed so heavily on Cedrick’s mind.
"Oh Cedrick!" she started, "I had such a lovely afternoon.  I was at Christiane’s, and I spent the day with her and her clutch.  They’re so lovely, Cedrick!  Wouldn’t it be wonderful to have a clutch of our own?  I so long for the pitter patter of little webbed feet, Cedrick, what do you say?  I think you would make a terrific daddy!"
Cedrick turned to face Petra, and she could see the pain in his face.
"My goodness, Cedrick, what’s wrong?"
"Who’s Friederich?"
Petra was flabbergasted.  "Someone from my past.  Why?  Did he speak to you?  Cedrick, I promise you that that has ended.  You have no reason to think that I would ever consider cheating on you, or even leaving you.  You are my world, and Friederich cannot change that.
With that, Cedrick knew that Cygnus was telling him the truth in his usual vulgar way.  He was yet able to muster a response.
Petra contiuned, "Please believe me when I say that Friederich means nothing to me anymore.  Please, I would never hurt you."
Cedrick sighed, "Friederich is a boat."
"Cedrick!  What has gotten into you?  Yes, he may be a little large, but that doesn’t mean you should resort to name-calling."
"But he is a boat, Petra.  A big plastic boat!"
"This is an ugly side that I’ve never seen from you before.  Where does all of this jealousy come from?"
It was apparent that Petra wan’t getting it, so Cedrick knew what he had to do.  "I’m going out.  I need cigarettes."
"Yes, I think that’s a very good idea.  You take a swim so that we can both cool down from this episode."

Hours later, it became apparent to Petra that Cedrick wasn’t coming back–more so after she considered that Cedrick was a swan, and didn’t smoke.

News of Cedrick’s being with Petra made his dating life a little challenging.  Hardly anyone wanted to be with a "boat fucker fucker", but he eventually met Herlind.  One day, when Cedrick and Herlind were out, they ran into Petra.  She looked like she was "jacked up on loneliness," as her later told Cygnus over the swan-equivalent of a beer.  Cedrick thought it would be best to pretend not to see her.

Petra had no idea how long it had been, but she hadn’t been eating or sleeping.  Her anxiety had caused her to molt a bit.  In fact, when she first saw the large shadowy figure in the distance, she thought she was hallucinating.  Unlike her past hallucinations, this one wasn’t changing shape or pressuring her into causing harm on others.

Petra looked away, and back at the figure.  It was still there.  The more she looked, the more familiar it seemed, so she slowly approached it.  Finally, a slight wind caused the figure to rotate so that its profile came into Petra’s view.  Finally, it struck her.

"Friederich?  Is that really you?"