My stupid, fooking, seat-belt ticket at 1 am story

My stupid, fooking, seat-belt ticket at one o’clock in the morning for $116 dollars story.

I was driving down the road a couple of months ago, minding my own business as usual when I got pulled pulled over by an unmarked, sneaky police vehicle at one o’clock in the morning. He had been following me for at least 5 miles. I was returning from a night at the beach as I was with a friend, a lady friend if you must know. That’s all you will know. I like the beach at night. In fact I prefer the beach at night. At night there are no pools of illegals circling out mid water, splashing each other. Jude was with me that time. At night there are no illegal kids throwing stones at great blue herons. Jude disciplined them to no avail. The heron was stoically just watching the beach activity, minding his own business just like I do, but he was dodging stones from the illegal kids. At night there are no hundreds of people in general at the beach. There are no persons at night at the beach and you don’t have to use sun screen, although you might need moon screen, but I didn’t use any. This night my friend and myself were the only persons on the beach. I love the beach at night.

Back to the idiot cop. He tells me the reason he pulled me over was because I didn’t have my seat belt on. Mind you, he is in an unmarked, stealth vehicle, tinted windows and its one o’clock in the morning. I guess he is got nothing better to do. I told him that I was from NH and that NH hasn’t a seat belt law. He wrote the ticket anyways for fooking $116 dollars. He then stuck his big, fat, red lips past the plane of the window followed by his big, fat, black, smushed up nose. I thought he was going to kiss me and so I moved back a safe distance from his big fat lips. I didn’t want to catch anything. Who nose where those big fat lips have been or worse still his his big, fat black, black, smushed up nose might drool on me, god forbid. He then orders me out of the car and I comply. He asked if he can search my vehicle. I tell him him no, this isn’t a turnip truck, its a little, mini, purple, pickup truck. He hand cuffs me and searches my vehicle anyways. Before he starts his search, I ask him what probable cause have you in searching my vehicle. He tells me that he smells pot. I don’t say anything more at this point. For the record I don’t smoke pot and none of my friends smoke pot either. Either he is lying or he smells his own pot smoking, from his own vehicle. He was by himself. Those are the only possible explanations. He finds my crazy drugs and ask me what it is. Like I’m going to tell him "its coke you idiot." He would love to hear that. Anyways I responded "take a lick and see how good your taste buds are. If you don’t trust your buds, then swallow one. If you get high, then I’m guilty. If you get sick, I’m innocent." He put it back and shut his big, fat, black, smushed lips, at least for the time being. He then found my head phones and asked me if I was wearing them when I was driving. He must think I am more stupider than he is. I told him "If I was a cow and I was wearing a dress, do you think I would go into a bar and ask for a drink?" He didn’t respond with his big, fat, black, smushed lips. Well eventually he gave up the search, uncuffed me and I went about my way with a stupid, fooking, seat-belt ticket at one o’clock in the morning for $116 dollars.

The picture below is another of Bradenton’s police vehicles. Its a Carman Ghia convertible, 44 hp, with a top speed of 65 mph. They are unloading a very skinny trombone that they seized from Al Capone on his last rip to South Beach in Miami Florida.