And It Continues…

So I came back from shopping on Tuesday to this email:

I went though all these emotions… do I love you or do I hate you? Is it both? No, it’s neither. You know what it is? I’m ashamed of you. Just like most of the other people in your life would be if they knew what you’ve become. Your parents, your bothers and sister, Leigh… the list could go on. You lost everything that was sweet and special about you. And you know what you are now? A horny college girl (I would have just said "college girl", but even most of them wouldn’t have done what you did so fast). You’re cold, and you’re not special anymore.

I don’t care how good your grades are or how much money you’ll make… you’re a disappointment. You’re on a power trip because you cried a lot when we were together, and now I’m the one who’s a mess. You say you feel sooo guilty, but really, we both know that part of you LOVES it. Lie to yourself all you want, but you absolutely love it. And you have a fuck-buddy, now, to boost your self-esteem, and hurt me and push me out of your head even more (either that or you’re a nympho who needs professional help).

I’ve made my share of mistakes in the past, but I continue to make progress everyday. I do, because I’m trying to shake the nasty things that get in the way of the person I really am. Guess what? I’m not really selling drugs now. In fact, I’m done for good. But I really felt bad about it when I did (once when we were together, once on a break, and once after we broke up). And that’s where we differ. You see nothing wrong with what your doing. And at least I got money in return. What did you get?

So, while I work to be a better person, you’re doing the exact opposite. You’re purposely adding nasty things to get in the way of the person you really are… unless this is the real you finally coming out. Either way, you’re an ugly person now. And I am truly ashamed.

You might consider this that "angry e-mail" you knew I would send, but it’s not anger. I’m just sick over seeing such a beautiful person die. Now, I’m going to have a personal moment of silence for that wonderful girl in these photos… and then move on forever.

I doubt you would, but please don’t respond to this message.

So I blcoked his email address.  After all that I’ve done for him he says these awful things.  It’s fine to be hurt but you do NOT say the things that were said here.  I sat with him in a hospital for five hours.  I stayed up countless, countless hours while he went through every emotion in the book.  I didn’t get my homework done, didn’t live up to my potential academically for the past month because I’ve been trying to help.  No more.

In other news, I am done classes.  Finals next week and then graduation.  I still don’t believe it and it definitely hasn’t sunk in.  I don’t want college to be over.