loves, hates, and the southen Salem

Yesterday I got sent to Winston-Salem for a licensure meeting. Not the most exciting thing in the world, but it’s always useful to hear what’s going on at the state level. Mostly what I learned from this meeting is that our state’s education system is wasting vast amounts of time and energy gathering data that means nothing in order to satisfy the idiotic and equally meaningless No Child Left Behind laws. No surprises there!  

After the meeting I walked around Old Salem, which is the original settlement historical part of town. Then I went to Whole Foods, located a Starbucks with my Super Starbucks Radar, and drove by my aunt and uncle’s old house ten times trying to figure out why I’d swear I’d never seen it before in my life, if I didn’t know for a fact that I’ve been there about a million times as a kid, including when I was in high school. So it’s not like I haven’t seen it since I was six and have a good REASON for remembering it as being a totally different house. I remember BRICK. The house next door did have a brick entranceway – could THAT be it??? I could swear the number was 808, but maybe it was really 806. I guess it makes more sense that I’d forget the number than it would I’d remember it as brick when it was in reality gray siding. I’ll have to ask one of my cousins next weekend. If I can figure out how to ask without them thinking I’m completely insane. They’ll be like, "Okay, first you remember the TROLL in the backyard TALKING to you, and now you think the house was a big brick mansion instead of a little crackerbox house with siding???? WEIRDO!!!"

Since I went to the coffeeshop today just to load up my Old Salem pictures so I can post them, post them I shall. But I’ll post them at the end of this survey that I stole from someone who stole it from someone else who doubtless stole it as well, etc etc etc. Not so you’ll have to read the survey to get to the pictures – of COURSE not!! I’m just being considerate, in case you have dial up. Really.

1. What real name would you hate to be called?  Well, I’m going to go with an actual real name I came across several years ago. Jailene Butts. I would also hate to be called Novella, which was my sister-in-law’s name until she legally changed it the second she was old enough. I wouldn’t want to be called Olabelle either. That was my grandfather’s sister’s name.

2. If you died, which place would you hate to be buried at? In The Land of Shockingly Awkward Sentences, that’s where. I am not planning on ever dying, but in the highly unlikely event that I do die, I would rather not be buried at all. I’d prefer to be cremated. If I did pick a burial ground it would be that wonderful overgrown weedy Unitarian cemetery off King Street in Charleston. Since this is asking where I DON’T want to be buried – I think – I’ll say anywhere other than the Overgrown Weedy Unitarian Cemetery in Charleston.  

3. Which Skittle tastes the worst?  Spinach Skittles? Okra Skittles? No, no – Liver Skittles!! Ewwwwww!!! I think all they make is fruit ones, and I like fruit. Well, I hate honeydew and cantaloupe, so I’d not like either of those, but I’m pretty certain they don’t make Honeydew Skittles or Cantaloupe Skittles.

4. Where is the worst place to go on a date? How about to a Nascar Event. Any Nascar Event at all. I’d take a dim view of a date taking me to most any sporting event, but if it was noisy cars going around and around and around in endless mindnumbingly boring circles, that would probably be the last date we’d be going on.

5. What’s the most obnoxious clique out there, why? It’s got to be the one currently "running" our country. My high school was full of obnoxious cliques, but they don’t bother me much anymore. I am, however, having a problem with the creators of this awkwardly worded survey. Probably not a true clique, however. Just functionally illiterate.

6. What’s your least favorite outfit that you still wear to this day?  Is that like wearing an outfit to a party, or to a wedding? I’m not sure you can wear an outfit TO a day. I also don’t think I have an entire outfit that I hate yet still wear, but I’ve got some individual articles of clothing which I do occasionally wear and then spend the entire day wondering what the hell I was thinking. One that leaps to mind is a kind of big shirt/jacket thing  that’s a really pretty periwinkle blue color, and an interesting kind of waffle weave patterned material. I’m very fond of  it while it’s hanging in the closet but when I put it on it’s like I’ve magically gained twenty pounds. And you’d think I’d quit wearing it, and perhaps even go so far as to give it AWAY, but I just continue to cling to it and believe with all my heart that NEXT time I put it on, it will make me look stunning! And then I put it on and I go ewwwwwww  and I hang it back in the closet. Or I realize I do not have one more second to dillydally around about my clothing choices and I have to LEAVE RIGHT THIS SECOND so I wear it anyhow and spend all day trying to avoid looking in the mirror.

7. What is your most hated book ever read & why? There’s the "and"! Even a symbol is better than nothing. That construction remains troublesome, though. Well, I’ll make an effort to put it behind me and move on. I think in recent years my least favorite book ever would have to be The Da Vinci Code. I know it was supposed to be all thrilling and exciting and daring and stuff, but it was so horribly written (it’s State The Obvious And Describe Every Single Move Everyone Makes and Every Dim Thought Flickering Through Each Character’s Brain Literature!) that I just couldn’t appreciate all that thrilling daring nonstop excitement. I also had a little problem with being able to figure out that backwards writing thing in about ten seconds, while the brilliant daring thrilling heros, who apparently had a combined IQ of around 23, were totally stumped. And at the end, all I could think was, "….that’s IT?? Who CARES!!!!" 

8. Who is your biggest enemy, why? Ummmm….why do you keep calling me that?

THE LOVES

Oh, I guess that first part was "The Hates". No wonder it was so negative!

9. What’s your favorite fast food meal? French fries from Wendys. Of course that’s a meal. It’s enough calories for a weeks worth of meals.

10. What color is your most loved hair brush?  Well, I guess it would be the black one with some purple highlights, although I don’t really harbor strong feelings for any of my hairbrushes.

11. What’s the age range of your TV/movie crush? Okay, I have no idea what you’re asking me here. My last TV crush was the sadly fading away Queer Eye. It’s around three and a half, which is pretty aged for a TV show these days.

12. What is your favorite type of dinosaur? The one that will devour whoevercame up with this survey.

13. What is your favorite animal? I think I just answered this in my picture survey. Cats in general, and Stella in particular. I sure hope Colfax isn’t reading this.

14. What color is your most loved pair of underwear?  What a shockingly forward question!

15. Favorite time to go outside? When the perpetually-building-something neighbor and his perpetually-shrieking children are inside.

THE EMBARRASSING

Someone’s left out a vital noun here.

16. What color/brand is the ugliest pair of shoes you own? I have a pair of light brown Bjorns (is there a "j" in there? It may just be an "o" with the double dots above it) that I considered quite nice until I saw someone the other day wearing some very unattractive shoes and then realized they looked just like mine.

17. What’s the most obnoxious thing you’ve ever done in a store? I really can’t think of anything that obnoxious that I’ve done in a store. I try not to be obnoxious in public.

18. What’s the worst thing you’ve ever done in a restaurant? It was probably the time my first husband and I got in a terrible argument and we left without paying. TOTALLY by accident – it was very crowded and we’d been drinking, and we were both furious. I did however make up for it by going back the next day and paying. Because I felt WAY too guilty. Mostly about not leaving a tip, having been a waitress myself. Actually, I think I was probably a waitress at the time. I have no idea what we were arguing about.

19. What is your worst habit?  I think I just answered this on that picture survey too. I’ll get around to checking on it eventually.

20. What is your favorite, most embarrassing song that you’d die if anyone else found out? Well, why in the world would I slap it up here for everyone in the world to read?

THE GUILTS

21. What is the meanest thing you have ever said to a friend? Well, like being obnoxious in stores, being mean to friends is something I try to avoid. I did tell Kim not long ago that I never have liked one of her other friends, and that I think this friend is a spoiled drama queen who constantly stirs up trouble so she can be the center of attention. This friend had done something incredibly thoughtless to Kim, which was just one thing in a long stream of thoughtless things she’s done or said, and I was tired of hearing about it and then hearing Kim defend her after getting over being mad at her. And I really thought this time Kim wouldn’t get over it. But she did, and I felt bad for telling her that. I also apologized, since it really ISN’T any of my business. No  matter how much I think it is. And how right I think I am.  

22. What is your favorite food to gorge out on? Gorge out on?? Well, I guess that’s kind of like pigging out. Maybe it does make a little bit of sense. A VERY little bit. Probably ice cream, which I find it very easy to eat WAY too much of.

23. What is the worst thing you’ve ever done in school and got away with it? I never had the nerve to do anything all that awful in school. I can’t think of anything I ever did that was nearly as awful as the construction of most of these sentences. I did have friends who did pretty bad things. Well, not  "bad" – not like bringing GUNS to school bad. More pranks than "getting sent to reform school" bad. A couple of my friends programed all the computers at the local college computer lab to say "fuck you!" when they were turned on. I have no idea how – this was back in the late 70s so it was a DOS thing. They were still in high school but got to go to the college to take an advanced class. They also stole a payphone from the mall. Okay, that was probably reform school bad.  

Baker B had his picture taken multiple times on one of their picture days when he was in high school – he kept borrowing scarves and hats and glasses and going back through the line over and over.  Then he got in on every single club’s group photo. Sadly, I was very very boring and never did daring things.

24. What is the worst item of clothing you got away with wearing at school? This isn’t something that was as much bad fashion as something that would be UNHEARD of these days – I had a t-shirt that I wore fairly often which said, in great big letters, BEER!!! And beneath the BEER!!! was a big foaming overflowing mug of.. BEER!!! Yes, I actually wore that to school when I was 13 or 14 and nobody gave it a second glance. Can you imagine a kid getting by with that in school these days? It springs to mind because I forgot it was picture day and in my high school freshman picture, which I just saw last time I was home,  I’m wearing my BEER!!! shirt. Although I had long hair at the time  and I combed it so it would mostly hide the letters, so you really can’t tell that my shirt says BEER!!! And you can’t see the foaming mug of beer below the letters.  

25. How long was the longest time you’ve ever taken a shower/bath? AAAGGGHHH!!!! These sentences are killing me!!!! And I think you ought to feel more guilty about how long you’ve gone between bathing than how long you spent in the process of bathing. Which I think is what this is asking, although it’s a little hard to tell. I really don’t know, not having timed myself while taking a shower/bath/whatever. Not all that long, as I’m always late and in a huge hurry. And I haven’t skipped a day unless I’m DEATHLY ill. Or camping somewhere without showers. A rare event in itself.

 Oh, look, I’m finally done! And here are some Old Salem photos, if you’ve made it this far without keeling over from boredom or bad grammar:

 

 

 

This one has a couple of big-city buildings nearly out of sight there in the background. This actually isn’t the picture I meant to link, but – who has miserable horrible slow slow SLOW dial-up and can’t see what the hell she’s doing till it’s too late, because it’s taking like five minutes a picture??? ME, that’s who!!! Maybe I should wait on the rest of these until I have a slightly less glacial speed going.