Message I wish I could send to my daughter

Dear T,

You have no Idea the level and depth that my love for you reaches.  You may make all the accusations in the world at me, you may go for the jugular with your words, intended to cause as much pain as you can achieve but I won’t be backed into so far a corner as to reject you. Your self fulfilling prophesy won’t happen. It just won’t. Because, unless you’re a parent you can never understand the love of a parent.

I’m not shit, I’m not lazy, I’m not rubbish. I shouldn’t *have* to remember everything. That is not possible for anyone and in having that expectation you are setting me up to fail, setting me up to be the butt of your next meltdown.

The list on the fridge was created for items needed to be written, therefore removing the risk of them being forgotten. If you need something, write it there.

If you are feeling bad then I want to help you but your bad feeling is not my fault, nor is it anyone else’s, including your own. You are 13 with all that brings plus you are fighting your mental health demons. Those are also no one’s fault.

I also want to address what you refer to as my ridiculous habit of not assigning blame. Let me explain that too.

In not assigning blame for things, I’m not letting people get away with things, I’m allowing myself not to be dragged down. When nana Ann died I wanted someone to blame but there wasn’t anyone. The car stalled in a really bad place. Then maybe I could blame the manufacturer. But no one did something with the intention of nana Ann dying. I could hold onto blame but then I would hold onto anger which I don’t need so I accept that she died. It happened. Shit does happen. And often it really is nobody’s fault.

I didn’t come in the bathroom when you wanted, not because I don’t care but because I won’t be manipulated by emotional blackmail. Because I won’t be spoken to like I’m an inferior being. I am happy and willing to help you every day, I do it all the time, because I love you. But I won’t help someone when they try to manipulate me.

How do I feel you attempted manipulate me? I will give you two examples.

Claiming it was my fault that your sister needed the loo because you would come out of the shower if I came in the bathroom.

Saying that you wanted to kill yourself/hurt yourself because i wasn’t helping you.

Yes, I want to do everything in my power to help you to get better but I won’t be manipulated. That won’t help you, that will only teach you that manipulation works.

It doesn’t.