Hit ‘Em With A Plot Twist

Ah – Open Diary, my old friend. We’re back, again… I always start off making a concerted effort to write – to purge my guts out and somehow alleviate the overwhelming stress in my life on this unassuming blank screen… And I always do relatively well for the first day or two, only to completely abandon it again by the end of the week. And if my vicious cycle continues, I’ll find my way back for an update within the next couple of years again.

I want to preface this entry by advising that, if you’ve stumbled across me from the main page, you should probably do yourself a favour and read back a few entries. To one of them circa 2018… I think there’s only two; but it will help y’all understand the basis for this Saturday morning drivel.

First an update.
A lot has changed since I last sat down to write. If you’ve been following me since the beginning, it might shock you to know that Brookelyn is now 20 and Evan is 14… That still shocks me on the daily, I promise. They’re both great kids, mom bias, I know, but they’re pretty solid human beings. Brooke might be a little on the “failure to launch” side, but we’ll get there someday, I hope. I bought a house in October of ’18… was a complete dump at the time, but slowly, she’s on the mend. We spent the summer of ’19 living through a roofing job, the summer of ’21 redoing the basement and making it a livable space, and now, summer of ’23 will be the summer of new siding and windows. It’s always an adventure around here.
I started a new job in the winter of ’21… with a great company, working on customs clearance for the US/Canada border. It’s not glorious and some days are awfully monotonous, but it’s a decent job, full time, with great pay and benefits, so #winning I guess. lol

The relationship situation, well, that’s the juicy stuff you came for right? It’s been.. interesting. In December I broke off a 2.5 year relationship with the single most narcissistic POS I’ve ever met in my entire life. Daric was a walking nightmare and his kids were even worse. I’m not going to go into any major detail here- Just going to reiterate that I could not be happier that this particular chapter of my life is closed, set on fire and launched to the moon.

This have taken a turn since December though. You know how they say “When you stop looking, you find it?”  I assure you after I finally cleared Daric our of my house, the LAST thing I wanted was another relationship. I just wanted to be left. the. hell. alone. I had made peace with the fact that I was going to be a crazy cat lady, I was going to focus on me, who needed a man…. blah blah blah

Plot Twist Time.

Well… Did you go back and read that other entry yet?

Neal and I are actually back together. Yeah. Its happened/happening and I couldn’t be more ecstatic about it. It’s been just over a month now, and I’m still as crazy about him as I always have been. There are some complexities to our relationship – there always have been, God forbid it was ever just easy… We currently have a four hour distance between us – we’ve changed places since the last time we dated… he used to be down here, and I was up there… now I’m down here and he’s up there… that’s kind of annoying, but the plan is, that by  the end July (103 days) , we’ll both be down here. lol.

I don’t know why I ever let him go. I was crazy – reading back on that previous entry, I understand why I did what I did, but man, that was so stupid. As we’ve been talking and dissecting our relationship over the last few months, you can see all these moments in the last 20 years where we’ve BOTH been close to saying something, where we were on the precipice of admitting our feelings and never really doing it… The opportunities we missed because we were scared and scarred from each other.
In mid-February, he finally cracked – he did it first… I told him that I needed to pull back from our conversations, that they were getting too familiar and too comfortable… too intimate… for my liking. He agreed that maybe we should back up and back off a bit… but he wanted to talk to me first… so we had a phone call. And I’ll never forget it; “I still love you”…  I’ll never forget his voice, the way he said it. I’ll never forget how it made me feel, or how I cried when I heard him say that. “I still love you too…” And the rest is history.
The first time we saw each other… I can’t even explain it. The intensity is literally inexplicable. The chemistry is mind blowing. The sex was always great, but it’s earth shattering now. When they say to wait for the person who sets your soul on fire… well, I’ve got him. And I’m never letting him go again. And the best part is, I know he feels the same way.
I don’t know if any of you believe in Twin Flames, but I am certain, beyond a doubt, that he is mine. He was made for me (he claims I was made for him, since he’s older, but I have boobs, so I’m always right, so there’s that). My best friends think I’m crazy, but I know I’m crazy. He is too – but we also both know that this is where we’re meant to be… I’ve known it for years, but the timing was always off.. until now. And most importantly, we both already know what it is like to lose the other – we have both been responsible at one time or another for the end of our relationship, and we’ve both lived with those decisions for the last two decades. We are both cognitively aware that we don’t ever want to lose the other again. And so, we both have a renewed appreciation of each other. We are older, wiser, and very aware of what we have lost in the past.

It’s funny, I’ve been thinking about this diary entry for weeks, and trying to figure out how to accurately express my feelings on this… I don’t feel like I’ve done it justice. I just can’t find the words to articulate it. So I’ll leave you all with this – one of my favourite pictures of the two of us…

Hope you’re all having a great Easter weekend!

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