aired out

everything is becoming new again.  it’s so exciting.

for years i’ve been living in a fog, trudging my way through the gray and the damp.   now, it seems as if that has all passed. 

i feel light.  almost ethereal.  hah.  imagine that.  me, ethereal again.  crazy.

so, in honor of this, i’m changing my diary.  i’m privating all of the dark entries (which basically means all of them) and leaving only one in memory of my sister.  she deserves at least that.

i still think about her.  a lot.  and how i was with her.  i’m still ashamed and sorry.  and i do miss her.  but there’s a tide turning… i can’t quite explain it.  like i’m being pulled by a weight i can’t name but also can’t fight (or, even better, don’t want to fight)

at any rate, maybe i’ll start writing here again.  i still lurk around, reading and stalking all of my old favorites.  there are some that have gone to favorites only, which is sad (i miss meg most of all) but i still do love this place.  hopefully i’ll be around more often now.

i love saying that.

i love feeling this.

(oh god, let this last.  please please let this last)