i like it soft, i like it wet.

i may have had too much to drink tonight.

then again, maybe not.

i spent the weekend being the supportive friend to someone dealing with an alcoholic sister.  the holidays, infamously, exacerbate such things.

and while i am glad that she didn’t have to be alone (these struggles can be overwhelming, i know) i also felt resentful of being the kind of friend i never had when i needed it. 

not that having an alcoholic sister is same as having a dead sister.

but still.

so tonight, i took advantage of the opportunity to go out..to forget the past couple of days..if only just to be out and about.

and it was so overshadowed by her "inability" to really enjoy the moment, by the burden she still felt.

i wouldn’t be mad, but she insisted we go out.  i thought it was what she wanted (needed, even) and then it ended up being an extension of the shittiness of the last three days. 

not to mention i just turned 25.  which is not momentous by any means..but has thrown me for a bit of a loop.

so i find myself angry at half past 1 in the morning on a saturday.  and this just feels wrong. 

so i sit, singing along to lykke li and elbow, mostly feeling like shit and wondering when it will stop.  pleading for it to stop.  please.  stop.

i think about a shower, masturbation, one last beer.  all three at once.

then sleep

and tomorrow, tomorrow will be different, renewed.