5/24/07
when i first moved out, i cried and cried. it was because i was scared, along with me being unstable. it turned out to be a good scared and for the last five months, i have lived(good, bad and terrible). i have lived.
now i’m going back and i’m crying because it feels wrong. i don’t know what i want to do with my life. i just don’t want to live home for long. i want a house. my own home.
no matter what i do, i cause pain to myself and others. mostly to myself. i always hurt myself the most.
i can’t see long-term future. i see michael. i see a house. but i don’t see anything else. what if i’m never satisfied with living? thinking about the future makes me so tired. i feel too weak and useless.
its times like these when i miss my cats so much. the best friends i ever had, because they didn’t leave or hurt me. when i cried, they let me. they let me cry into their fur. now i just cry alone in the dark.
the cat i loved the most passed away almosta year ago. this cat does not love me. she bites me. scartches me. and whatnot. i dont feel a connection with her so it hurts me. girls know what hurts other girls. so its easy. like i know when lyam was with another girl.. i let jealousy take over and told her that he had cheated on her and that he says he still loves me more than you and you could never make him as happy as i did. i hurt her deeply with what i said. only because i know what hurts another girl. granted i will never do that again. but still. im sorry you are hurting. *hugs* note me anytime. im on every day and note back almost constantly. take care. and i hope you feel better. just get some rest <3
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try and be strong. it might not be what you want to hear though
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