guilty and in love

There was a homeless guy in my apartments entry way this morning when I left to pay my rent. I was so shocked that I stood there staring for a moment with my jaw open. When he looked up and saw me he immediately looked apologetic and uncomfortable. I realized what I was doing, walked past him, said good morning, and drove off. I returned 20 minutes later with coffee and blueberry muffins for both of us but by the time I got home he was gone.

The entry way smells like booze and cigarettes and I feel really, genuinely awful. I didn’t mean to stare. I didn’t mean to make him feel awkward and uncomfortable. I was just momentarily shocked. I mean, I don’t see people like him in my apartment building every day. It’s easy to disconnect when you see homeless on the street because they are always homeless people on the street but when they’re sitting vulnerable so near the entrance of your home- in your building- you just can’t. And he looked so uncomfortable… god I feel so bad.

I don’t even particularly like Caribou Coffee’s blueberry muffins. They’re too sugary for me.

Chloe had her at work baby shower last night. I went and I bought her a diaper genie, two diaper genie refills, a childrens book, and a giraffe bouncer thing that was on her registry. She looks so unbelievably, ridiculously adorable pregnant (she’s now 8 1/2 months along). Her body hasn’t changed at all except for her baby bump- from the back you can’t even tell that she’s pregnant.

After the shower I went to her place to help her carry up all of the gifts. We sat and chatted for an hour or so and then I went home (she showed me the newborn-sized diapers that they’ve bought and I melted. I’d forgotten how tiny they are).

I can’t wait until the day arrives in which I get to start planning a family. And I can’t wait until Chloe has Julian and I get to hold him and play with him.