New flames, old flames, updates.

 It’s been forever since I’ve written. I suck. I’d be lying if I didn’t say that I haven’t felt like writing. I just haven’t. And it’s not because I don’t have things to write about… I just don’t have the drive to write which is ridiculous, in my opinion. I write here for me… so that I have things to look back at and so that I have things to reflect upon. This place means so much to me… this diary means so much to me… those of you who still read me mean so much to me. I don’t know why I haven’t let those thoughts guide me. I don’t know why I’m not here as often as I should be; this all means a lot to me. 

This is me… sangria drunk… waiting for Breaking Bad’s newest episode to begin on AMC.com. 

Wow. Are you impressed?

Over the last year, I feel like every entry that I’ve written has been a compressed little sandwich of entry, giving no hint to the shit that’s been going on in the margins. Sadly, I don’t feel that I have time tonight to clue you in on everything, so I’m going to resort to shit-talking once again. Hell, why not give bullets…

• Andrew and I are dating exclusively. He’s wonderful. Awfully enough, based on the past that we had (and it wasn’t really even anything, admittedly… why am I drawing conclusions to what we’re currently experiencing based on what we previously experienced more than four years ago when he was clearly not in the greatest of head-spaces and when I was clearly nothing more than a rebound (more on that later, maybe, if I haven’t already explained this to you??)), I’m not allowing myself to really take it seriously. I like him. I like him a lot. I really do think that he likes me a lot. I just can’t help but feel like the rug is going to get ripped out from under me someday soon. And I have no reason to feel that way – none! – outside of the thoughts and feelings that I have about what we experienced four and a half years ago! And none of that should really have any pull on what is happening today, because things are so starkly different than they were back then. Things between the two of us have been spectacular! If you’re friends with me on Facebook, then you’ve likely seen that he’s hung with my parents and I on more than one occasion, that my sister (and roommate) Alison is smitten with him and they talk all the time, that he’s introduced me to his brother (the family member that he’s definitely closest with, AND all of his friends, both old and new (everybody from childhood friends to recent friends to family friends). 

I’m probably not making any sense right now. I’m chugging away at a bottle of wine that I added to the remnants of a giant gallon-sized jug of sangria that I made for Andrew and I yesterday (we grilled at his friend Kyla’s apartment – he was dog-sitting for Kyla). I’ve nearly finished the bottle. That means that I’m about a bottle of wine in, so don’t freak- I haven’t sat here and finished off an entire gallon of wine.

I really don’t feel like I’m making any sense at all right now. I apologize.

I’ve told you NOTHING about what has been going on with Dave since I returned from Bonnaroo. NOTHING. A(nother) quick synopsis:

• About a week after returning from Bonnaroo, he professed his love for me. He admitted that he’d made the biggest mistake of his life the night that he broke up with me (and I’m not mincing words, here; I’m saying this verbatim. That is what he said. He said that he, "made the biggest mistake of [his] life."
• The last month has been nothing but awfullness, in that respect. The day that he made this announcement to me, I told him that he was too late. I told him all about how I knew that he would eventually come to this conclusion, but that I thought it would be YEARS from now. Never in a miliion, bajillion years did I think that he would have come to this conclusion this quickly. Apparently, he knew that he’d made a huge mistake only days after breaking up with me, which makes it even worse. 
• In the month or so since this revelation, he’s sent me random texts saying things like, "So, have you finished dating all of those other dudes, yet? Have you changed your mind? Are they making you as happy as you know that I can and would make you?"

Seriously.

• Yes, Dave now knows that I’m only dating Andrew. Yes, Dave knows that this is the Andrew that I dated prior to Dave and I dating. At least, I’m pretty sure that he does? I know that, when we were at Bonnaroo, I explicitly told him that one of the guys that I was seeing (and I did use Andrew’s name) was the guy that I dated prior to him and I getting into our relationship. I don’t remember, however, if I explicitly told him that Andrew was the bipolar guy that I’d spoken with him about a couple of times during our relationship, when referring to the history of my online dating experiences. I don’t know if he’s made that connection. 
• Dave has been quite respectful over the last couple of weeks. He and I grabbed lunch on… Friday? Yes, Friday. Conversation was light and there is nothing major to note, there. It was a nice lunch and we just spoke about our friends and random stuff that was happening. I made no mention of Andrew or anything even remotely personal.

Did I tell you that I got a promotion at work? Of course I haven’t! It was tentatively announced to me a couple of weeks ago, but officially announced to me late last week. Tomorrow during our Monday morning meeting, they’re making the official announcement to the rest of the company. I’m nervous. I’m nervous about what it’s going to mean for our department more than anything (specifically, there is one other girl who I’m closer with than anybody else in my department [Abby], and she’s been with the company longer than I have been. I’m worried that it’s going to push her over the edge and that she’s going to leave. She’s been wanting to leave for some time, already.).

Okay, I’m ending this here because I just had Tibetan food arrive. I’m hungry. And I think that I’ve gotten the gist of my current situation across. 

I promise that I won’t go this long between entries again for a very long time. I hate it when I do this.