Wine-O

I’m drunk. It’s 1:20am and I don’t know what the hell I’m doing awake. On a normal night I’d have been sleeping for three hours by now! It’s messed.

I spent the day cleaning. No, not cleaning- scrubbing. I scrubbed my entire apartment. I scrubbed the sinks and the cabinets and the floors and the cat bed and literally everything else. I did seven loads of laundry. I painted Dave’s office and spent a lot of time straightening up the mess of cords leading from his computer to the internet modem to the electric drums to the TV to the wall. Our apartment is the most spotless, the most awesome it has ever been.

I’m sad that he’s not here to see it! 

I also did a lot of cooking. I started making homemade pizza dough at 10 this morning. By noon I had two pizzas: thin crust margherita with fresh tomatoes and basil from the plants on my balcony and a thick crust hamburger, onion, and basil pizza. Later in the evening I made homemade chocolate chip cookies. 

I traded my The Joy of Cooking chocolate chip recipe for a recipe from the Better Homes and Gardens cookbook and lo and behold the latter is better. Never would I have believed it if I’d heard it. The Joy of Cooking is the epitome of cookbooks- I’ve made a lot from it as I’ve been attempting to cook my way through it since I purchased it a year ago0 and I’ve never made anything from it that didn’t turn out awesome. Fortunately or unfortunately,  I like my chocolate chip cookes to be chewy and not crispy. The Joy of Cooking’s recipe results in very thin, crisp cookies. I think the recipe needs more flour. I realize that substituting shortening would also help, but I’m not into baking with hydrogenated oils. They’re found often enough in our diets- I couldn’t imagine using them in cooking.

I’m rambling, I apologize.

I really don’t have anything much to type. I just opened a bottle of wine a while ago and kept going and… yeah. I guess I felt like rambling.

I’m doing better. The first night alone was rough, but today was good and though I miss him horribly I no longer have that achey, deep, awful feeling biting at me at every corner. I’m biding my time…

… which I know sounds ridiculous. I should be enjoying my free time alone- I should take this time to hang with friends, just like a couple of you said in my previous entry. You’re right- I should be. And I could be. But I’m not. Maybe next week I’ll feel differently, but right now I’m just feeling like I want to spend my time alone. Yesterday I wanted to wallow in my sorrows. Today I wanted to get stuff done. This weekend I have to work. Monday I’ll be back to the normal grind. I’m still undecided as to whether or not I’m going to go home next week. I haven’t spoken to my mom about it yet. We’ll see- they are coming to town on Friday of next week anyway.

Usually I’d go out with Clint. He’s always the person I call- he’s always the person that I hang with- when Dave is out of town or not….

Clint is with Dave! I suppose I could call Chloe or something, but I don’t feel like it. Anybody else on my que would feel weird to hang out with at this point. So many of my close friends have moved away and are fully involved in different lives. If I don’t go home I"ll probably call my sister and see if she wants to hang out for a night. Maybe we could have a sleep over and I could make dinner or something.

Anyway, somebody needs to be around our apartment- we have a cat and Ferret that need to be fed and taken care of. The ferret needs to be let out at the very least every other day. I mean, she’s 7 1/2 years old! She’s ancient in ferret years. Dave loves her. I need to take very good care of her while he’s gone.

Ah, we’ll see. We’ll see what I feel like on Monday.

I’d be looking forward to working tomorrow if I knew that I were in fact working with somebody! It’s probably going to be quite busy and I’m going to be there all alone. It’s the busy time of year! Hopefully Angie shows up- it’d be a very nice surprise. Perhaps she’s scheduled afterall? Since she quit the management position she’s only worked two or three days- she’ll need to work more than that. Maybe she’ll start filling in on the weekends that I’m all alone? 

Again, I’m rambling. I’m sorry. I think it’s book and bed time. I’m close enough to finishing off this bottle of wine that I almost think I should finish it- but I’d probably regret it tomorrow if I did. Or not- because I rarely get hangovers and I never get hangovers from wine.

Hmmm…