The Good, the Bad, and the RFIM

What is a RFIM? This is a question I find awaiting me after nearly every diary entry, and, yet, sometimes, the definition seems a bit vague. Recently, an argument has sprung between myself and another diary reader over whether or not she is actually a RFIM. She claims she isn’t. I claim she is. Really, the only fair way to reach a conclusion is to put it to a vote. Presented below are both of our arguments, for and against her status as a RFIM. It is up to you, the readers, to decide.

 

So, how do you vote? You need simply to leave a note. Everyone can vote once and only once. There are only 2 choices, you’re either for RFIM status or against it. Votes for Ross Perot will be ignored.

 

If there are any questions on the voting procedure, please, leave a note, explaining what is causing your confusion. This note will not be counted as your vote.

 

And, now, the arguments:

 

Dearest Diary Readers,

 

For some time now, I’ve been reading our friend Matt’s OD, as well as chatting with him online.  However, recently, the agony I’d experienced due to frequently being referred to as a RFIM (random female instant messenger) reached an all-time high.  I would accept that being an RFIM is ‘who I am’, as Matt has suggested I do, countless times, if I felt I really was one.  But, I don’t.  This is where I need you, his devoted fans, to take a good look at the cold, hard facts, and help him to realize that I am not what he insists I am.

 

            As Matt has stated, time and time again, random girls message him incessantly.  They usually find him on Yahoo!, via his profile, and, from what he says, initiate a conversation with him, probably only because he has a picture of himself with a helium filled balloon attached to his ear.  More often than not, these females ask quite sexual questions from the get-go, and, if not then, they do eventually.  And, of course, they all fall in love with him instantly.  These are all things that are in the nature of the RFIM.  Matt knows this from his research, which he dedicated a large portion of his valuable time to conducting.

 

            But, I, in all honesty, do not fit most of this profile.  True, I did find him on Yahoo!, and his profile was the first glimpse I got of him.  Yet, I too was merely doing research.  You see, I’m originally from Texas, and have decided that I would like to continue my college education at a lovely school by the name of Georgia Southern University.  Naturally, I wanted to converse with the likes of those I’d soon be surrounded by: Georgians.  The way I found him was not so random; I simply went to the profiles section of Yahoo!, searched for Georgia by geographic location, and then, narrowed the returns down by specifying that the user needed to be 18-25 years of age and currently online.  Seeing as his username begins with an ‘a’, is it really a surprise that I found him?  I think not.

 

            Continuing, it was not his helium-filled picture that sparked my interest.  Said picture wasn’t even the one he had posted at the time.  If I remember correctly, it was him holding a football, which may have caught a bit of my attention, merely because I am quite fond of sports, and sports is actually the sole reason I’m moving half way across the country to GA: to be a Sports M

anagement major.  Still, overall, his profile was quite boring, and I decided to check out the links he had supplied in order to see if there would be reason enough to actually message him.  Really, it was more of a last redeeming chance for him.  This is when I stumbled upon the diary.  And, as you all know, his writing is quite funny and witty, which is why I decided to message him.  He seemed interesting.  Intelligent.  Unlike a lot of guys, and people in general, I’d previously run into during my experiences in cyberspace.  I’ll admit, he didn’t let me down.  He’s just as funny, interesting and intelligent in regular online conversation, as well, as many of you know.

 

            I, also, did not request to know such things as his penis size, or whether or not he had nude pictures he was willing to share, within the first five minutes.  Nor have I ever.  Matt often refers to RFIMs as unintelligent beings, not even literate enough to read his diary.  And, if they are literate enough, they’re surely not in possession of the brainpower to register all that’s been written, and actually comprehend it.  I, however, am quite literate, and, for the most part, can fully comprehend every well-written sentence, and each entry as a whole, that he graciously delivers.  I’m even capable enough to respond with an appropriate, related remark in his notes section, which I do from time to time.   And, please, do not overlook that fact that my IMs are filled with words that are properly written out (‘you’ instead of ‘u’, and ‘Oh, I see’ as opposed to ‘oic’), and often punctuated. 

 

            Matt, too, has informed me that the RFIM is basically a heartless creature, one which delights in others’ pain.  I have had to explain that I do not think that someone getting hurt is funny, but rather, am amused at how they got hurt.  Tell me, if your brother had set up rope between two trees, slid down it with a clothes hanger, a la Tarzan, and broken a leg due to his crashing into the second tree, would this not cause even the slightest of smiles to form on your face?  Just picture it.  It’s funny.  But, I do not find the pain I realize he suffered through from the break, and the surgery required to fix it, funny in the slightest.  I was terribly worried about him, and stayed the whole day at the hospital while he was enduring the operation.  I am also able to laugh at myself when it is I that’s the injured party.  There’s no need in creating artificial drama.

 

            On a final note, Matt is bent on making everyone realize how boring, dull, and lifeless the RFIM is.  No personality.  Zip, zero, zilch.  If this is I, then why is it that he messages me at a much higher rate than I do him?  Possibly because he’s recently discovered the nifty little ‘invisible’ feature AIM offers, in order to monitor whom he speaks with.  But, it’s still his choice to message me.  And really, if he’s wanting to talk to me to see just how boring I can be this time around, perhaps his life is a tad pathetic.  Also, if I were truly an RFIM, wouldn’t I most likely fancy the disgusting messages I receive from RMIMs?  One would thinks so, yet, I do not enjoy those people, or their vulgar comments, in the least.  Not wanting to hog any more of your time, I will end my quest to be considered ‘human’ here.  Folks, use your head, and do what you know, deep down, is right.  Vote: Kristy is NOT an RFIM.  Thank you!

 

Sincerely,

 

Kristy ‘The Non-RFIM’ Masters

 

 

 

<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in0in 0pt”> 

Dear Beloveds,

 

            Kristy, a frequent visitor to the diary, has recently become aware of her status in life as a RFIM. I have found this occurrence both exciting from an experimental standpoint, and, yet, depressing from a human standpoint.

 

            You see, Kristy is the first RFIM to become aware of the fact, that she is, indeed, a RFIM. Imagine what discovering this must feel like. Perhaps, like suddenly realizing that your 3rd breast is an anomaly that will forever cause you to be looked upon as strange and dishonest by others. A completely disheartening realization, that, no doubt, will cause a great internal struggle.

 

            And a great internal struggle is what Kristy has undergone. As you have read in the preceding letter, Kristy has come up with many completely rational reasons why she is not a RFIM. Completely rational, but, ultimately, wrong. Because, by definition, a RFIM is anyone who randomly messages me because of my Yahoo! Profile. Kristy visited my Yahoo! Profile, and, then, messaged me. This is all the evidence needed.

 

            Of course, Kristy claims to not carry many of the RFIM’s distinct traits, such as wild, uncontrollable, sexual desires. However, can we really be sure? Or could Kristy just be concealing these desires, in an attempt to hide her obvious RFIM characteristics? Truthfully, we can not say either way, although, as she is a RFIM, one can not help but suspect what really must be going on in her mind.

 

            So, in closing, I ask you, the diary readers, to vote for Kristy’s RFIM status. I ask this, not to prove me right in the argument, but, rather, for Kristy’s sake. It is important for her as a person to accept her life as a RFIM. For currently how happy can she be? Trying to read books? Attempting to attend college? Occasionally carrying on intelligent discourse? What an empty existence this must be for her. I ask that you all vote for her as a RFIM, so that she may finally find true happiness in wild sexual exploits and Jerry Springer.

 

Sincerely,

 

A.J. Stanson

</DIV