Crazy But Good

 Things have been a tad bit chaotic. 

But good. Mostly. 

Let’ see, let me get caught up. 

Naya is 9 weeks old, starting to smile and interact more. She really lights up when Lexi’s around. 

But let me tell you, she is a SCREAMER. 

She is showing signs of drug exposure, which makes her a difficult baby. But we know it will pass, she will outgrow it. She often has these little tremors or shakes her arms and she has been diagnosed with hypertonia. This just means that her muscles are SUPER strong and tight. She’s still curled up like a newborn when she should be straightening out by now. 

Dressing her and feeding her are sometimes difficult as she’s so stiff and inflexible. You really have to PULL her arm to get it through her sleeves, for example. This doesn’t hurt her, but it makes her uncomfortable and she cries. If she doesn’t loosen up by her 3 month check up, her pediatrician is going to prescribe early intervention physical therapy. 

This is not anything that will follow her forever. It just means she may need physical therapy and may roll over, sit up and walk later than a baby without hypertonia. 

She also has nervous system hyper stimulation (that and hypertonia are classic signs of cocaine exposure). When she’s hungry, tired, cold or poopy, she cries, as any baby would. But because her nervous systems is hyper stimulated, it’s VERY INTENSE. Her physical needs feel like torture to her and she screams so hard she often gags and chokes herself. 

She will go from sound asleep and peaceful to screaming like someone is stabbing her, choking and gasping and shaking in literally one second.  There is no warm up normal crying to say "I’m hungry."  

Naya will often need to be held close. Her nervous system gets freaked out by tummy time or just laying on a blanket. Lexi was able to handle a lot more stimulation, obviously. Getting her to sleep is rough as it takes a lot to get her system to calm enough to fall asleep. So, there’s a lot of screaming/crying going on around here.

With all that said, yes, she’s a tough baby to parent sometimes but she is worth it. When she’s warm and dry, with a full belly, she is a very sweet baby. And we know that this is a season and will pass. She will grow out of these issues, usually by 18 months you can not tell a difference between exposed and non-exposed babies. 

I just need to really rely on the Lord’s strength some more. 

Other news, Art and I are just about fed up with New Jersey’s adoption laws at this point. We are in a different financial situation than when we adopted Lexi AND the NJ adoption laws have gotten stricter since then. Many, many national adoption agencies won’t work with NJ because of this…including our own. They made an exception to that for us since we had adopted through them before. But they are not taking any new NJ families or birth mothers. 

Our financial situation is not as large as it was when we adopted Lexi. At that point I was still working and we had Art’s mom’s inheritance in stocks and bonds, plus equity in our home. 

Then…the great stock market/economic crash. Over the next few years we lost almost half of our stocks and bonds and our house decreased in value so that if we sold now, we’d LOSE money on it. So, the money we thought we had, we didn’t. 

Also because of the economy Art’s business started to really slow down. I’ve been going on lots of interviews to go back to work, but districts keep telling me their boards won’t let them hire me because I’m too high on the pay scale and with the budget cuts, they have to hire "lower." 

All this to say, we are not as well off as when we adopted Lexi. 

So, couple that with the state’s new laws and we are under a microscope. We are NOT in danger of being homeless, the kids are NOT in danger of starving or having no heat, clothes or water. 

What it means is that we MAY sell our house in a year or so to move somewhere smaller, but we may not. We are cutting corners where we can: utilizing state health care (insurance) for example. We buy all the kids’ things used/at consignment sales. We ask people for gift cards when they want to give us gifts. 

Money is tight but we are ok. The kids have a safe and stable home, food, water, heat, electricity, clothes, medical care and LOVE that is NOT in danger of being lost. 

Yet the state is treating us as potentially unfit because we don’t have a lot of money. They are dragging out our finalization. Which is ironic, because the more visits they have to make, the more money it costs us (about $300 a visit). If they know we are struggling, why make more visits and cost us more money? They are scrutinizing EVERYTHING. They came and did a "surprise" safety inspection to make sure we had food in the house and our home is safe. Suddenly, they want to do another child abuse clearance for us going back 20 years, even though we already have two on file (that costs us money too). 

They want pay stubs and tax forms. Credit card statements and mortgage payment info. Letters from the kids’ doctor saying they are in good health. 

I understand the gist of this; how many times have we heard about children in foster/adoptive homes that were abused or neglected and the state ignored it. I get that. 

What I don’t get is why a home where the kids are obviously well cared for, safe and loved is being looked at so closely. 

Families with biological children do not get this kind of scrutiny when they go through financial hard times. Our social worker even told us that our finances are the ONLY reason the state is putting us through the wringer. She said that if it was up to her, she’d finalize it now. That Lexi and Naya are obviously in no danger or neglect. But the state is asking for all this. 

Why? It does make me so mad. I think of all the kids in homes that ARE in physical danger, danger of neglect or going hungry, danger of not being cared for properly, danger of dirty and unsafe homes. And the state is wasting money on us because we are going through a tight financial time?

Were we ok a few years ago? More than ok. Will we be so in a few years, if not sooner? Heck, yeah. I WILL work again one day. We DO still have a stash of savings/stocks for an emergency. Art’s business WILL pick up. OUR KIDS ARE IN NO DANGER OF BEING SO POOR WE HAVE NO WHERE TO LIVE AND NO FOOD OR CLOTHES OR MEDIAL CARE. ZERO CHANCE OF THAT HAPPENING. 

But because we are having a few years of having to watch our pennies, we are unfit parents? 

Can you imagine if every family built only with biological children had to have the state examine them when they struggled financially? 

Ok. Deep breath. 

Adoption is awesome. Social workers are good. NJ has a lot of other great things going for it. We are and will be ok. My kids are well cared for and loved. 

This will pass. 

Naya’s adoption WILL be finalized by the end of the summer, hopefully. 

She is worth it.