Nothing compares, no worries or cares…

Diary, is there something wrong with me? Am I really as ugly as I claim to believe I am?

And if I’m not, does that mean that the thing that puts men off is my personality?

So, does this mean that I’m ugly inside AND out?

I’m twenty years old. I’ve had only two boyfriends, if you can call them that, and they only lasted two weeks each. Granted, I ended them, but does that mean that my chances have run out? Were those the only two boys that would have given me a chance, and I blew it?

I’m at least a little pretty, aren’t I? I have nice eyes, and I’ve been told I’ve got a great smile. I know my hair is pretty bad, my nose looks like it has been broken, my lips are small and always chapped and, most embarrassingly, I’m still getting zits, but is that all I get for romance?

Is it so wrong for me to want to feel needed, liked, and appreciated? By someone who I don’t think of as a brother?

I see so many of my friends with boyfriends, many of whom, I’m sorry to say, have no personalities and no self-confidence. I know my self-confidence is pretty lacking, but then using the above logic, where is my boyfriend? Why am I the exception?

It gets really lonely, really fast, always being the odd one out. And sadly, maybe even heartbreakingly, I have this feeling that I’m going to remain alone, possibly forever.

So many say that I’ll find the right guy eventually, and that I’ll drop my insecurities on relationships when I meet the right one. But what if that never happens? There are some people who remain bachelors until their dying day. What if I’m one of them? How can anyone know?

I do dream of being loved. I know it’s pretty contrary to how I portray myself normally, but I do. I want to love. I want to be loved. I want to snuggle with someone and watch a movie. I want to hold onto someone’s arm when I’m scared. I guess I don’t need passion. I’d settle for compassion and friendship. I just want to be needed.

So, what’s wrong with me?