January 2, 1994

January 2, 1994

12:10 am

Kevin is trying to get through to Trudy for me. Maybe HE can get them to see the importance of my contacting Trudy. The anger is gone – the hurt stays on – I can’t even remember why I was SO mad – my feelings got hurt about Kevin’s words.

12:22 am

Trudy finally called. Actually didn’t help – but she’s talking to Kevin right now – it seems to me like he’s trying to minimize HIS actions and heap all of the blame into on to me! But I said this conversation was okay, so I need to stick with this decision. Much as I want to grab the phone as out of his traitorous hands. I wish I could feel something – but I feel nothing! Kevin is watching me as he is talking to Trudy, and I just want to look up and yell – "Stop staring at me!" His smiles lie! Lie. Lie. Lie. He sounds so confident and like he has done nothing wrong!

12:35 am

I think I am tired, and I’m so sick of thinking and hurting that I am just gonna go to bed – and hopefully Kevin will just leave me alone. I wish to God that I could stop hurting!

*I sleep with a night light

because I am scared

not of demons in the night

but of a man – beware!*