January 4, 1994

January 4, 1994

1:54 am

I can’t write long because I really out ought to be getting to sleep, I have a meeting with Trudy in 9 hours. I hope we don’t get as much snow as the weather forecasters are predicting, because I really want to see Trudy tomorrow (today) only because if I have the meeting I can "get things off my chest" and feel good for the week.

*note to myself: elaborate on above statement. saw Maret + kids today. feelings about Kevin + how we spent our day + night.*

*REMEMBER POEM BOOKS!!!*

2:10 pm

Oh! The weather outside is frightful…..

I couldn’t make it to Bangor to see Trudy today, because the roads were really bad – so we did therapy by phone. It did the "trick" anyway. I told Trudy that reading my journal entries since last week kinda felt like I was "closing" a chapter – so it feels right to go on with my writing. (Called Dr. Buchanon and she told me what exactly the copascope is – and what the pathologists do (they say exactly what the abnormality is.) It just amazes me that Dr. Buchanon is only 10 years older than me, and she seems sophisticated, self-assured, totally confident, and I feel like a child beside her. I know she tries to make treat me like the adult I SHOULD be – but some things seem a little (?) to me. I get the feeling that she thinks that I am a pesky little person who is always bothering her about STUPID things! She’s never given me any indication that she feels that way, but I still feel it.

WHEN I WAS AT EMMC THE FIRST TIME: she would come in and see me every day, and she was quite supportive – I came to view her almost in "awe". Hang ups.

6:35 pm

I did something today that I never did just for the sake of "doing" it. I put on all kinds of winter wear, and went out & made angels in the snow, and just layed there and let the snow fall on my face and eyelashes. Then, when I finally decided to go in the house, Kevin met me at the door and helped me take all of my wet clothes off and wrapped me in a warm bear hug.