Mundane Task

I find myself at the pen again, as mundane tasks become more overwhelimg than they have ever been.

Why is it so eay for others to paint on a face and it just seem so easy? I am exhausted and consistently wondering if I am making all of the right choices. It just isnt so easy when all eyes are on you. Thats the price we pay. The bills are overhwhelming, trying to put food on the table seems such a war. Swiping a card and holding on to each penny left while the systems fail us. I have been on both sides of this. Under and above- and through it all, I never gave up my hope.. but hope feels so hard to grasp onto these days. I know it passes- each time I find a way to just keep swimming but my arms and legs are so defenseless and I am taking on water.

Tell me it ends, that I find stability once again, that my hopes and dreams arent just a fever dream. That one day, I look around and we have maybe not everything but at the least what we needed.

Moms love is our glue, and I look into their little eyes and they do not know the waves of worry I feel crashing beneath me.

It seems as if I cannot hold on to something good and self sabotage is my main character.