and shes gone

well most everyone doesnt know this yet but none the less it is true. i was dumped on sunday morning. it sucked actually cuz then when i was at work that is all i though about for a good 12-14 hours. fun dont you think? her reason was that she didnt want to hurt me. and usually when i say something like that it means "ive found someone else to be with and i dont want to break your heart by telling you that" sure enough tuesday when i called her she said can i call you back im with my girlfriend. thats like getting kicked in the balls! (dont ask). i just dont know what to do. i know only a few of you know whats truly going on but this is just something i gotta get out of me. i just feel like i can never be happy. if its not me and my fuck ups then its just that i cant be with the one i love. i dont get it. suppose i never will. sunday while i was at work i straped on a 9mm pistol and 30 rounds of hollow point ammo but i didnt feel safe. not in the sense of i was gonna shoot myself i just didnt think that i was emotionally stable enough to use it if i needed to. i want to call her but i dont know if i would know what to say to her. i dont want to upset her if this is what she wants to be happy. if ne one knows what i should do let me know. i stayed up late thursday night writing a poem i will put in here later. its about … well you’ll just have to figure it out.

linny