Declan the crab

Got this joke in an email from Dad today and thought I’d stick it up because while most will scratch their heads in confusion, if it gets one person in hysterics it’ll be worth it. I particularly like the inclusion of Declan as the hero’s name, since it’s by far the most pedestrian and unassuming name I’ve ever known…..

Declan the humble crab and Kate the Lobster Princess were madly, deeply and passionately in love. For months they enjoyed an idyllic relationship until one day Kate scuttled over to Declan in tears.

“We can’t see each other anymore…” she sobbed.

“Why?” gasped Declan.

“Daddy says that crabs are too common” she wailed “He claims you are a mere crab and a poor one at that and crabs are the lowest class of crustacean.…and that no daughter of his will marry someone who can only walk sideways.”

Declan was shattered and scuttled sideways away into the darkness and began to drink himself into a filthy state of aquatic oblivion.

That night the great Lobster ball was taking place. Lobsters came from far and wide, dancing and merry making. But the Lobster Princess refused to join in, choosing instead to sit by her father’s side, inconsolable. Suddenly the doors burst open, and Declan the crab strode in! The Lobsters all stopped their dancing, the Princess gasped and the King Lobster rose from his throne. Slowly, painstakingly, Declan the crab made his way across the floor….and all could see that he was walking, not sideways,

but FORWARDS!!!! One crab claw after another!

Step by step he made his approach towards the throne, until he finally looked King Lobster in the eye.

There was a deadly hush.

Finally, Declan spoke…….

“Jaysus, I’m locked”

j