Do the right survey (2)

LAST

Movie you saw: Oh Minority Report or summat….

Phone number you called: Mam, wondering had she rung me earlier on. She hadn’t, twas my mystery caller.

Thing you had to drink: Tea.

Thing you ate: Two Hob Nobs, which are officially described by McVitie’s in the blurb on the side of the tube as “Milk Chocolate nobbly, oaty biscuits”. Does the EU Commission recognise “nobbly” and “oaty” as official descriptions?

Time you laughed: Thinking about Michael Jackson in Bo Selecta saying “Charmone, motherfucka!!” and doing the “wee-hoo!” sound he does in “Bad”. Cracks me up every time.

Thing you said: “I won’t rest until they’re running down my sleeves.” -Describing to Mam how I was going to rustle myself up some beans and toast (as in an entire can and four slices of toast with Dairygold and…..ummmm…..) and devour it in my usual slobbery way.

Thing you smelled: Eh….smoke from the one house on my road that still has a fire.

DO YOU

Smoke: No.

Do drugs: I have been known to dabble in custard creams, which as everyone knows are the heroin of the biscuit world.

Sleep with stuffed animals: No, just the rotting horse head for me.

Play an instrument: Get the drums ready, I’m about to make a rude, one-line joke which we’ll call a “dirty one-liner”……..

Believe there is life on other planets: Yes, why not? I mean, if life can exist in the deepest, darkest trenches of the oceans where the pressure would turn your head into the size of a walnut, is it that far-fetched to suggest there’s life on more than a few rocks out there in space?

Read the paper: All the fucking time, any of them. I’m a paper slut. In fact, I’m a media slut.

Have any gay/lesbian friends: Cormac reckons he’s not gay anymore, but I’ve got other gay……people I know. No real friends though. I know three lady bisexuals, who I really should introduce to each other.

Believe in miracles: Yes, the force is strong my young Paddy Wan.

Believe it’s possible to remain faithful forever: It’s possible.

Consider police a friend or foe: I think you have to regard them as friend and take everything that contradicts this on a case by case basis. I admire our police for all the respect and authority it’s acheived without being armed.

Like the taste of alcohol: That’s a very American phrase, if all alcohol tasted the same we’d all just drink vodka. I like certain drinks that happen to have alcohol in them. I’m actually one of them freaks who’d like beer even if it had no intoxicating charm to it; I’ve been known to mill through a few Becks Non-Alcoholic. So in closing, it’s a stupid question but that doesn’t mean people who took it serious are stupid. Ok, Kerouac and FANatic?

Like pina coladas: Never had one, maybe I did…..no, come to think of it I had one. Yeah, it was grand.

Pray: Yes

Go to church: Yes

Have any secrets: Far too many.

Wear hats: No, head’s too big.

Have any piercing: No, wouldn’t either.

Have any tattoos: No, would be open to it though.

Wish on stars: The sheer logistics involved in such a clearly suicidal mission are mind-boggling. Which leads me to suggest this particular question might also be stupid.

Trust others easily: Not at first, but then the barrier lifts and I trust implicitly.

Love people easily: Yes.

Like sarcasm: No, I hate sarcasm. I really really hate sarcasm. I think it’s so so bad, I really really do.

Like walks in the rain: Generally I don’t choose to but if I were to get caught in the – ah wait, I see a better place to answer this question…….

Getting caught in the rain: Yes, I like getting caught in the rain if it’s warm out and it’s almost tropical. Like the day of the election this year, I got caught in the rain going to vote and it was cool. I mean warm. But like, y’know, cool.