Drop everything

As someone who’s never been in love before, I’m finding myself doing things I’ve always hoped I’d have to do. Things that I wouldn’t normally do but “under the circumstances” they’re necessary. I spent so long being single that I came up with all sorts of policies and personal…. legislation if you will. To cut a long story short, I decided that if I ever found the girl of my dreams I’d drop everything.

Now dropping everything in this instance would mean selling anything I couldn’t carry on a train, withdrawing my savings and taking all I own with me to Cork where I’d live on Catherine’s sofa til we got a place together. And while I’d love to do that, it’s not possible just yet. Especially now that Catherine’s place is going to get done up and she’d love to get to appreciate her hovel all 2003 spanky-new. So right now I’m staying put even though I know that were I to move to Cork tomorrow, everything would work out. Nothing in my life involving Catherine has gone wrong yet.

I’m devoting, without even giving it a second thought, a huge part of my life to her right now. I suppose this could fall under the category of “giving it a second thought”, but no; it’s more like writing down exactly the way things are. And the way things are is quite simple to explain; she’s on my mind every minute of every day. I’m completely addicted.

See, I’ve never known all this. And I’m appreciating it like there’s no tomorrow, even though I know there’ll be lots of tomorrows in this relationship. I’ll be fully sure of that some day, I know I will. It has to happen. Maybe when I am, I can take my mind off her for more than five minutes and actually do other stuff. But right now I’m paralysed because of her. It’s like she’s a drug and I can’t take enough. I’m just grateful she isn’t a recruiter for some cult, because I’d be joining up right now if she was.

But to get back to the point of this entry (there was one), I’d always promised myself I’d never compromise if I found her. “Her” being this idea of The Most Amazing Girl I’ve Met. I always thought I’d end up with her, it was just a matter of when and how. That’s sounds a little arrogant; maybe it was wishful thinking but I always thought that. And when it happened, I always said that nothing would hold me back.

Thankfully, nothing is. All I have to do now is keep making money so I can get to her as much as I can. And I will, I’ll see her so much that the fluff from her scarf will never get a chance to fall off my coat. So much that I’m going to move to her this year. I just have to, there’s nothing I have to stay here for.

There was always this gaping void in my life, the other half. And she’s it, she’s what I’ve been missing.

I’ve been reading the diary of a girl called .kiss the violets. and she wrote about how someone once told her that even if they hadn’t met her, they’d still miss her. They just wouldn’t know it was her they were missing, and they’d have lived their entire life incomplete, not knowing her.

That’s kinda how I feel.

j