Maybe we could save each other (3)

At this stage of the evening, we were both pretty jolly as we walked into the village. I counted up all the people who passed us who’d know me and start spreading gossip about who I was seen with. It’s amazing how quickly it gets around, even when it’s about a tiny bit-part actor in the drama that is this town. Emer never even went to school here, so even less people know her. In we went to a local hosteltry of a slightly more interesting and quaint (not refurbished to hell) persuasion. There, we met some neighbours, one of whom I hadn’t spoken to in nine years. The girl who lives beside Emer and who once gave me a card on Valentine’s Day up the lane beside my house. I didn’t know what to say, I was only seven or eight at the time. And then she gave me a peck on the cheek, which I’m nearly sure was my first kiss. I, of course, mentioned it to her last night. She, of course, had no recollection of it. But I know it happened because my father, being the man he is, looked across the garden wall onto the lane and saw the dirty deed take place. And reminded me of it constantly til I left primary school.

She told me my childhood friend from primary school had left his girlfriend because she told him their baby mightn’t be his. What a great bit of gossip about a bloke hardly anyone sees these days. She told me this because it had been so long since we’d spoken that the sheer gaps in current knowledge of one another were substituted with obscure references to a long time ago, when I had straight hair and Dubya’s dad puked over the Japanese Prime Minister. We had this connection, but it was so long since we’d seen each other it was this strange mix of almost knowing what we’re like. This is why I don’t like meeting people. She and her boyfriend, who I also knew, left to go to one of the hotels. I asked Emer if she wanted to go to, she did. So we kinda tagged along, in hindsight we were completely uninvited.

I was drinking pints, I had one Jack Daniels but I was back on beer in the hotel. Emer was on vodka and orange juice, which when it’s following wine produces some pretty nasty surprises. She got rather drowsy and irritable, not towards me but towards those around us she didn’t know. Pretty much everyone else. So I took her outside for some fresh air. She was upset, hating the suburb and the way people talked. I acknowledge the gossipy nature of this place, but it never upsets me. I mean, I know what the story is with me no matter who gossips. This sounds like there’s gossip about me but there isn’t, it’s just that gossip doesn’t bother me. Unless it’s towards someone close to me. Emer and I hugged outside the hotel, she was a little emotional. She said if she wasn’t in an almost relationship with a guy in college, she’d kiss me. I frowned; it hadn’t occured to me at that moment, even though it would’ve been ideal. But it wouldn’t mean anything. And I’m trying to avoid casual snogging. Even though I love it. I dunno. Hmmm. If any lady out there wants to casually snog me so I can find out how I feel about the casual snogging situation, please give me a call. Or even if there’s two ladies who want me to evaluate their kissing, just get in contact.

I got our jackets out of the hotel and we walked home, carrying Emer some of the way as she was quite paralytic at this stage. We got into her house, I looked for a vessel of some sort for her to throw up in, gave her a saucepan while I went to look for a plastic one, came down with a plastic one to discover she’d already thrown up into said piece of kitchenware. She went up to bed, I got her some water and left the saucepan beside her. I went down and ate an ill-fated Chinese I’d bought before bringing Emer home, mainly because it was her idea. Emer’s brother arrive home, and I sat watching the election coverage til Beverley Cooper-Flynn-Soprano got re-elected by the moral-free people of Castlebar and I left in a huff.

Today the parents came home and Mam was pissed off at me not telling her about the trip to the cinema. Sis seems a little mystified because once Mam came looking for a confession about the cinema trip yesterday evening (she’d checked the mileage before she left and knew I’d gone somewhere with it). I’m getting far too old for this shit, so I just admitted everything. I’m not going to lie about something like that, so I just told her and said I’d do it again and at least we had the memories. I think that threw her a little.

I’m a little thrown myself. I need some safety in my life, a rock. This weekend, like the others since I left college, has been about unabashed pleasure-seeking and large amounts of alcohol. This cycle has to slow down. I’m too tired. Emer’s feeling the same. But she listens to my advice and really appreciated my help last night. And I value her company, her intelligence and her warmth so much. Maybe between the two of us, we could cancel each other’s problems out. Maybe we could save each other.

j